[Pistolenschutze]

Q: Wy don't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A: He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French.

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never seen in a combat zone.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: Mirage

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Q: Why do French naval ships have glass bottoms?
A: To see all their other ships.

Q: Why do the French use a lot of bleach on their sheets?
A: So you can see their white flags better.

Going to war without the French is like going hunting without an accordion.

The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking.

Donald Rumsfeld was being heckled by a French anti-war weenie when he suddenly turned and asked the Frenchman:
"Excuse me. Do you speak German?" The Frenchman replied "No." Rumsfeld looked him in the eyes and said "You're welcome."

Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"

Q: Why is it good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: What is the French battle flag?
A: It is three white fleur-de-lies on a white background.

Q: Why do Frenchmen always wear yellow ties?
A: To match their teeth.

Q: What's the best place to hide your money?
A: Under a Frenchman's soap.

A: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand?
Q: More sand.

Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered?
A: Table for one hundred thousand, sir?

Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman?
A: Reverse!

Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine?
A: He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's a shame, he was the best veternnarian in town!

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it.

A French rifle for sale on ebay:
"It's never been fired and it's been dropped only once."

You really do have to hand it to the French...
After all, they won't fight for it.

Q: How many French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: one to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing.
one to turn tail and run.
one to roll over.
one to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied sockets.
and one to pick up a phone and cry to the United States.

Q: What happens when a Frenchman doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.

Q: What does "Maginot" mean in German?
A: Welcome!

Q: Why did the Frenchman sell his water skis?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It doesn't matter; if you're depending on the French to do the job, it's screwed anyway.

French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. The forward gear exists in case they are attacked from behind.

Q:Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A:So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: Did you hear about the French helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman with 1500 girl friends?
A: A shepherd.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Frenchman In the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What does it say on the bottom of a Perrier bottle in France?
A: Open other end.

Q: Did you hear about the French hockey team?
A: They all drowned in spring training.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic French parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

Q: Did you hear about the French submarine with a screen door?
A: Don't laugh... it keeps the fish out.