Welcome to the wonderful world of gun preferences
So since everyone else has one - so do I. For a small hand and needing something that won't kick your brains out - has anyone suggested a 9mm revolver to you? Yes they make them (S&W, Taurus) and mine doesn't kick nearly as hard as my Sig P250 9mm, Bersa Compact Pro 9mm, or Bersa Plus .380. And since you won't be practicing as much as a lot of us old gun nuts - a revolver is a definite plus - open purse, hold grip, pull trigger, problem solved. My wife has small hands and her Taurus 9051CH fits very well. Occasionally you can still find a 9051 for sale and Taurus still makes a Model 905 in 9mm. S&W (You know - $$$$$$$) has a Model 60LS . Just a suggestion. But whatever you get - - practice, practice, practice. Ammo is a LOT cheaper than a casket.