Dear Santa - The Firearms Forum

Gunfyter · 12-08-2004, 09:07 AM

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
send you a *******g book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody! Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid, fat mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up
that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build
yourself a family with those? Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door. Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I
give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Santa

P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song? Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house. Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again. Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
*** kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams,
Santa

pickenup · 12-08-2004, 10:07 AM

That is a different side of Santa.

SouthernMoss · 12-08-2004, 10:55 PM

Sounds like Santa needs some Prozac!

Marlin · 12-08-2004, 11:15 PM

M A L ! ! ! ! ! !

C' E S T . T R É S, T R É S, T R É S . M A L!!!!!!!

Bad, Bad, BAD, BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

inplanotx · 12-09-2004, 10:16 AM

Okay, okay -1 !

IShootBack · 12-12-2004, 06:49 PM

now that's reality....

12-08-2004, 09:07 AM	#1
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	Dear Santa deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a *****g book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his * constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those? Santa Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the **s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam. Santa Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Santa P.S. Tell your mom she got the part. Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again. Santa Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your * kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work -->

12-08-2004, 10:07 AM	#2
pickenup Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains Posts: 6,841	Re: Dear Santa That is a different side of Santa. __________________ The gene pool needs chlorine

12-08-2004, 10:55 PM	#3
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Dear Santa Sounds like Santa needs some Prozac! __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

12-08-2004, 11:15 PM	#4
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,854	Re: Dear Santa M A L ! ! ! ! ! ! C' E S T . T R É S, T R É S, T R É S . M A L!!!!!!! Bad, Bad, BAD, BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

12-09-2004, 10:16 AM	#5
inplanotx Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 8,897	Re: Dear Santa Okay, okay -1 !

12-12-2004, 06:49 PM	#6
IShootBack Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Virginia Posts: 2,309	Re: Dear Santa now that's reality.... __________________ "The Lord is a warrior, the Lord is his name." Exodus15:3 Last edited by IShootBack; 01-19-2013 at 06:41 AM..