For Marlin - The Firearms Forum

Gunfyter · 02-24-2006, 08:21 AM

Ok Judge, these are for you. Enjoy.

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

*******************************

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Duh.............
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go
to?

WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing
an autopsy on him!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________

And the best for last...

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for
a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

Marlin · 02-24-2006, 08:39 AM

Thanks for the reminder, GF. BTW, that's only the tip of the iceberg.

I wish I had a list of all the idiotic things I heard over the years. Never thought about it at the time, trying to be sure that the facts were judged fairly and pursuant to the law.

SouthernMoss · 02-24-2006, 10:25 AM

Pistolenschutze · 02-24-2006, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marlin

Never thought about it at the time, trying to be sure that the facts were judged fairly and pursuant to the law.

Which, the last time I checked, is exactly what a judge is in the courtroom to do, not the pursuit of his/her own, often hidden, agenda. Perhaps the greatest perversion of our justice stystem in recent years has been the appointment of judges who do not seem to understand that simple but vital distinction. I cannot help but be reminded of the words in Hosea 8:7, "For they sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind."

wolfgang2000 · 02-24-2006, 03:24 PM

inplanotx · 02-24-2006, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pistolenschutze

Which, the last time I checked, is exactly what a judge is in the courtroom to do, not the pursuit of his/her own, often hidden, agenda. Perhaps the greatest perversion of our justice stystem in recent years has been the appointment of judges who do not seem to understand that simple but vital distinction. I cannot help but be reminded of the words in Hosea 8:7, "For they sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind."

MAHVELUS! Seems like you still want a piece of Marlin! [Not Grinning] If I'm wrong, I apologize. However, a joke thread is not the place to get rightous!!!!!!!!!!! [STILL NOT GRINNING]

SouthernMoss · 02-24-2006, 06:18 PM

Whoa there, big fella! I think Schutze was commending Marlin on his attempts to "judge fairly and pursuant to the law." He is saying that Marlin was performing his jurist duties exactly as they should have been performed, as opposed to how some of today's jurists are performing.

inplanotx · 02-24-2006, 08:20 PM

Like I said, may be I'm wrong......................which usually happens. [grin]

Marlin · 02-24-2006, 09:45 PM

I took it as a complement!

armedandsafe · 02-25-2006, 02:44 PM

DANG! You guys beat me to it. Is it alright to gang up on IPT?

Pops

Pistolenschutze · 02-25-2006, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inplanotx

MAHVELUS! Seems like you still want a piece of Marlin! [Not Grinning] If I'm wrong, I apologize. However, a joke thread is not the place to get rightous!!!!!!!!!!! [STILL NOT GRINNING]

Inplano, please reread the post CAREFULLY. I was agreeing with Marlin, and also complimenting him on his attitude toward the law while he was on the bench. My point simply being that all too many judges today do not adhere to the basic doctrines of law and fairness and instead pursue personal political agendas through the power of the bench. That is wrong, and I think Marlin would agree that it is. We, as citizens of this country, are paying the price of that folly. Now, having said that, I think your comment is badly misplaced and unfair, not only to me, but to Marlin as well. Quite candidly, I resent your artless implication, Sir.

02-24-2006, 08:21 AM	#1
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	For Marlin Ok Judge, these are for you. Enjoy. These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ******************************* ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Duh............. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ______________________________________ And the best for last... ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work -->

02-24-2006, 08:39 AM	#2
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Re: For Marlin Thanks for the reminder, GF. BTW, that's only the tip of the iceberg. I wish I had a list of all the idiotic things I heard over the years. Never thought about it at the time, trying to be sure that the facts were judged fairly and pursuant to the law. __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

02-24-2006, 10:25 AM	#3
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: For Marlin __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

02-24-2006, 03:24 PM	#5
wolfgang2000 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Mountain Grove MO. Posts: 542	Re: For Marlin __________________ Guns are like Jello, there is always room for more!

02-24-2006, 06:18 PM	#7
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: For Marlin Whoa there, big fella! I think Schutze was commending Marlin on his attempts to "judge fairly and pursuant to the law." He is saying that Marlin was performing his jurist duties exactly as they should have been performed, as opposed to how some of today's jurists are performing. __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

02-24-2006, 08:20 PM	#8
inplanotx Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 8,897	Re: For Marlin Like I said, may be I'm wrong......................which usually happens. [grin] __________________

02-24-2006, 09:45 PM	#9
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Re: For Marlin I took it as a complement! __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

02-25-2006, 02:44 PM	#10
armedandsafe Former Guest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Moses Lake, WA Posts: 10,344	Re: For Marlin DANG! You guys beat me to it. Is it alright to gang up on IPT? Pops