The One Liner Thread - The Firearms Forum

76Highboy · 11-23-2012, 08:11 PM

What's the difference between a smart blond and a UFO?

There have actually been UFO sightings.

NEXT

johnnyehlers · 11-23-2012, 08:28 PM

Did you hear about the two blondes who walked into a skyscraper?

You'd have thought one of them would have seen it.

rcairflr · 11-23-2012, 08:43 PM

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

rcairflr · 11-23-2012, 08:44 PM

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

rcairflr · 11-23-2012, 08:47 PM

What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift? Trade her in for two 20 year olds.

aa1911 · 11-24-2012, 01:59 AM

I don't know any jokes clean enough to post on here! ahhahaaa!

I'm rackin' my brain and just can't think of any clean ones....

OK, this might be clean enough...

A guy walks into the psychologist's office completely naked, his whole body wrapped in seran wrap. The shrink says "I can clearly see you're nuts!"

bamajoey · 11-24-2012, 06:06 AM

For my wifes 30th birthday I took her to Paris. For her 60th birthday I am going to get her.

flintlock · 11-24-2012, 06:10 AM

How about the agnostic dyslexic who stays up nights wondering if there really is a doG?

JohnHenry · 11-24-2012, 06:52 AM

It occurs to me that regarding the military sex scandals going on right now that we have too many Generals taking orders from their privates!

lonewolf204 · 11-24-2012, 08:13 AM

What's the deference between a woman and a car battery? The battery has a positive side!!!

hstout1143 · 11-24-2012, 08:28 AM

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

hstout1143 · 11-24-2012, 08:33 AM

We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

Diamondback · 11-24-2012, 09:09 AM

What's the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS?

You can negotiate with the terrorist!

Old Grump · 11-24-2012, 09:14 AM

From my 2 of my sisters, both of them nurses.

You know you're a nurse if...

You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.

When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.

68c15 · 11-24-2012, 08:50 PM

why do blondes wear ear rings? ankle holders

what does a blonde say after sex? are all you guys on the same team?

I have CDO. that's OCD in alphabetical order.

76Highboy · 11-24-2012, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 68c15

why do blondes wear ear rings? ankle holders

what does a blonde say after sex? are all you guys on the same team?

I have CDO. that's OCD in alphabetical order.

I am glad I put this in the Pump House.

Diamondback · 11-26-2012, 12:14 PM

Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!"

aa1911 · 11-26-2012, 12:20 PM

what's the only difference between a fairy tale and a sailor's story?

fairy tales start off "once upon a time...", sailor stories start of "This is no S... !"

Buckshot · 11-26-2012, 10:00 PM

Three pregnant friends were comparing notes about things that they'd heard that could effect the gender of the baby....

The brunette says that she will probably have a boy because she was on top when the baby was conceived. The redhead says she will probably have a girl because she was on the bottom. The blonde thinks for a moment and looking a bit uneasy, announces that she will probably be having puppies.

(Sorry, more than one line.

)

agedhunter · 11-27-2012, 08:24 AM

If there is no Woman around to hear a Man speak, IS HE STILL WRONG ?

hstout1143 · 11-27-2012, 10:38 AM

Obama has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.

hstout1143 · 11-27-2012, 10:39 AM

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.

hstout1143 · 11-27-2012, 10:40 AM

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

76Highboy · 12-03-2012, 07:22 PM

What do you call a blonde with laryngitis?

PERFECT

My wife made that up.

Pixcutter · 12-10-2012, 03:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by agedhunter

If there is no Woman around to hear a Man speak, IS HE STILL WRONG ?

Yes, according to my wife

11-23-2012, 08:11 PM	#1
76Highboy Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Meridian, Idaho Contributor Posts: 7,094	The One Liner Thread What's the difference between a smart blond and a UFO? There have actually been UFO sightings. NEXT -->

11-23-2012, 08:28 PM	#2
johnnyehlers V.I.P. Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: West Central Missouri Posts: 296	Re: The One Liner Thread Did you hear about the two blondes who walked into a skyscraper? You'd have thought one of them would have seen it.

11-23-2012, 08:43 PM	#3
rcairflr Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Wichita, Ks Posts: 1,347	Re: The One Liner Thread I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

11-23-2012, 08:44 PM	#4
rcairflr Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Wichita, Ks Posts: 1,347	Re: The One Liner Thread I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

11-23-2012, 08:47 PM	#5
rcairflr Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Wichita, Ks Posts: 1,347	Re: The One Liner Thread What do you do with a 40 year old woman who thinks she's God's gift? Trade her in for two 20 year olds.

11-24-2012, 01:59 AM	#6
aa1911 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 3,120	Re: The One Liner Thread I don't know any jokes clean enough to post on here! ahhahaaa! I'm rackin' my brain and just can't think of any clean ones.... OK, this might be clean enough... A guy walks into the psychologist's office completely naked, his whole body wrapped in seran wrap. The shrink says "I can clearly see you're nuts!" __________________ "Loud noises don't end gunfights.... well placed shots do."

11-24-2012, 06:06 AM	#7
bamajoey Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Pensacola Contributor Posts: 1,271	Re: The One Liner Thread For my wifes 30th birthday I took her to Paris. For her 60th birthday I am going to get her.

11-24-2012, 06:10 AM	#8
flintlock Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Upstate NY Contributor Posts: 905	Re: The One Liner Thread How about the agnostic dyslexic who stays up nights wondering if there really is a doG?

11-24-2012, 06:52 AM	#9
JohnHenry Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Livingston county, Michigan Posts: 1,244	Re: The One Liner Thread It occurs to me that regarding the military sex scandals going on right now that we have too many Generals taking orders from their privates! __________________ Freedom .... Is Never Free ! We need Term Limits .... Send the "Professional Politicians" home .

11-24-2012, 08:13 AM	#10
lonewolf204 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Oklahoma Contributor Posts: 798	Re: The One Liner Thread What's the deference between a woman and a car battery? The battery has a positive side!!! __________________ Fear is only a word in the mind of the weak!

11-24-2012, 08:28 AM	#11
hstout1143 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: California Contributor Posts: 1,811	Re: The One Liner Thread The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. __________________ NRA Life Member Kids that hunt and fish don't mug old ladies. "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan "Deo Duce, Ferro Comitante", With God as my leader and my sword as my companion

11-24-2012, 08:33 AM	#12
hstout1143 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: California Contributor Posts: 1,811	Re: The One Liner Thread We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. __________________ NRA Life Member Kids that hunt and fish don't mug old ladies. "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan "Deo Duce, Ferro Comitante", With God as my leader and my sword as my companion

11-24-2012, 09:09 AM	#13
Diamondback Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Silver City, Oklahoma Posts: 704	Re: The One Liner Thread What's the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS? You can negotiate with the terrorist!

11-24-2012, 09:14 AM	#14
Old Grump Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Little hut in the woods near Blue River Wisconsin Posts: 2,320	Re: The One Liner Thread From my 2 of my sisters, both of them nurses. You know you're a nurse if... You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine. You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up. When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night. __________________ "When once a republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil."~~- Thomas Jefferson Roman Catholic, Life Member of American Legion, VFW, Wisconsin Libertarian party, Wi-FORCE, WGO, NRA, JPFO, GOA, SAFand CCRKBA

11-24-2012, 08:50 PM	#15
68c15 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 2,144	Re: The One Liner Thread why do blondes wear ear rings? ankle holders what does a blonde say after sex? are all you guys on the same team? I have CDO. that's OCD in alphabetical order. __________________ I'll go defenseless when our leaders do the same

11-26-2012, 12:14 PM	#17
Diamondback Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Silver City, Oklahoma Posts: 704	Re: The One Liner Thread Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!"

11-26-2012, 12:20 PM	#18
aa1911 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 3,120	Re: The One Liner Thread what's the only difference between a fairy tale and a sailor's story? fairy tales start off "once upon a time...", sailor stories start of "This is no S... !" __________________ "Loud noises don't end gunfights.... well placed shots do."

11-26-2012, 10:00 PM	#19
Buckshot Senior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Southern AZ Posts: 918	Re: The One Liner Thread Three pregnant friends were comparing notes about things that they'd heard that could effect the gender of the baby.... The brunette says that she will probably have a boy because she was on top when the baby was conceived. The redhead says she will probably have a girl because she was on the bottom. The blonde thinks for a moment and looking a bit uneasy, announces that she will probably be having puppies. (Sorry, more than one line. ) __________________ United States of America - Born July 4th, 1776 - Killed by 50 million brain-dead zombies November 6th, 2012 Mack: Shame what this town's come to. Charley Waite: You could do something about it. Mack: What? We're freighters. Ralph here's a shopkeeper. Charley Waite: You're men, ain't you? Mack: I didn't raise my boys just to see 'em killed. Charley Waite: Well you may not know this, but there's things that gnaw at a man worse than dying. - Open Range MOLON LABE Last edited by Buckshot; 11-26-2012 at 10:03 PM..

11-27-2012, 08:24 AM	#20
agedhunter V.I.P. Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: northern mn Contributor Posts: 167	Re: The One Liner Thread If there is no Woman around to hear a Man speak, IS HE STILL WRONG ?

11-27-2012, 10:38 AM	#21
hstout1143 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: California Contributor Posts: 1,811	Re: The One Liner Thread Obama has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year. __________________ NRA Life Member Kids that hunt and fish don't mug old ladies. "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan "Deo Duce, Ferro Comitante", With God as my leader and my sword as my companion

11-27-2012, 10:39 AM	#22
hstout1143 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: California Contributor Posts: 1,811	Re: The One Liner Thread Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. __________________ NRA Life Member Kids that hunt and fish don't mug old ladies. "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan "Deo Duce, Ferro Comitante", With God as my leader and my sword as my companion

11-27-2012, 10:40 AM	#23
hstout1143 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: California Contributor Posts: 1,811	Re: The One Liner Thread How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. __________________ NRA Life Member Kids that hunt and fish don't mug old ladies. "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." - Ronald Reagan "Deo Duce, Ferro Comitante", With God as my leader and my sword as my companion

12-03-2012, 07:22 PM	#24
76Highboy Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Meridian, Idaho Contributor Posts: 7,094	Re: The One Liner Thread What do you call a blonde with laryngitis? PERFECT My wife made that up.