The LARK Program - The Firearms Forum

Gunfyter · 01-20-2005, 07:14 AM

THE LARK PROGRAM

A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the
treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan/Iraq war.
Attached is the copy of a letter they received back:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of
the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo
Bay, Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was
heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to
learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are
creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for
transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next
Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in
your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to
hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections, in
conjunction with the Red Cross, to ensure that your care for Ahmed is
commensurate with international standards and those you so strongly
recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopathic, extremely violent, and was trying
to kill at least 20 women and children as we captured him, we hope that
your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws. I might add that he will
bite you, or worse, given the chance. However, perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.

We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known
to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm
sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over
time. Just remind them that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
religious beliefs" - wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching

Good Luck!

Cordially,
Pres. George W. Bush
CC: Donald Rumsfeld
> >>

SouthernMoss · 01-20-2005, 10:10 AM

Marlin · 01-20-2005, 10:40 AM

Every time I see this it give me a hugh chuckle!!! I'd love to see it really happen!!!!!!!!

.

Carl S · 01-20-2005, 03:09 PM

I wish it would happen!!

96harley · 01-20-2005, 07:01 PM

I like the idea. I would hope in so doing Ahkmeed, Ahkmood, or whatever could assimiliate into the culture of the left and become a peacenic spreading love and flower peddles whereever he cast a shadow.

01-20-2005, 07:14 AM	#1
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	The LARK Program THE LARK PROGRAM A person wrote a letter to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive taken during the Afghanistan/Iraq war. Attached is the copy of a letter they received back: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, D.C. 20016 Dear Concerned Citizen: Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Our administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections, in conjunction with the Red Cross, to ensure that your care for Ahmed is commensurate with international standards and those you so strongly recommended in your letter. Although Ahmed is sociopathic, extremely violent, and was trying to kill at least 20 women and children as we captured him, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. I might add that he will bite you, or worse, given the chance. However, perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka - over time. Just remind them that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" - wasn't that how you put it? Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching Good Luck! Cordially, Pres. George W. Bush CC: Donald Rumsfeld > >> __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work -->

01-20-2005, 10:10 AM	#2
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: The LARK Program __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

01-20-2005, 10:40 AM	#3
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Re: The LARK Program Every time I see this it give me a hugh chuckle!!! I'd love to see it really happen!!!!!!!! . Attached Images __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

01-20-2005, 03:09 PM	#4
Carl S Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Bunnell, FL Posts: 1,015	Re: The LARK Program I wish it would happen!! __________________ Carl S Old Soldier The Bill of Rights - guaranteed by the Second Amendment You can trust the government - just ask any Indian

01-20-2005, 07:01 PM	#5
96harley V.I.P. Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Martinsville, Indiana Posts: 56	Re: The LARK Program I like the idea. I would hope in so doing Ahkmeed, Ahkmood, or whatever could assimiliate into the culture of the left and become a peacenic spreading love and flower peddles whereever he cast a shadow.