Health Club Membership

Gunfyter · 02-02-2006, 10:31 AM

A friend sent this to me.

For my fiftieth birthday this year my wife (the dear) purhased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 30 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.

The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY: Started my day at 6 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek Goddess--with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile WOO HOO Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week

TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY: The only way I can get my teeth brushed is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was ok as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked the car on top of a GEO in the club parking lot Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a maching to simulate an activity redendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap, too

THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half-hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes Belinda took me to work out with the dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing macfhine--which I sank

FRIDAY: I hate that blond ***** more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the memory of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the ">:*&#^% barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director

SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I didn't show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even used the TV control and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife will chose a gift that is fun like a root canal or a vasectomy.

inplanotx · 02-02-2006, 11:03 AM

Marlin · 02-02-2006, 12:43 PM

Deputy Dawg · 02-02-2006, 12:54 PM

SouthernMoss · 02-02-2006, 03:09 PM

muley · 02-02-2006, 05:38 PM

That's a fiver.........

pickenup · 02-02-2006, 11:29 PM

Got a friend (trainer) that I HAVE to send this one too.
I think her name may be Belinda.

Na, maybe not.

02-02-2006, 10:31 AM	#1
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	Health Club Membership A friend sent this to me. For my fiftieth birthday this year my wife (the dear) purhased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 30 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. Called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek Goddess--with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile WOO HOO Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can get my teeth brushed is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was ok as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked the car on top of a GEO in the club parking lot Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a maching to simulate an activity redendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap, too THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half-hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes Belinda took me to work out with the dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing macfhine--which I sank FRIDAY: I hate that blond ***** more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the memory of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the ">:*&#^% barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I didn't show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even used the TV control and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife will chose a gift that is fun like a root canal or a vasectomy. __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work -->

02-02-2006, 11:03 AM	#2
inplanotx Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 8,897	Re: Health Club Membership __________________

02-02-2006, 12:43 PM	#3
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,854	Re: Health Club Membership __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

02-02-2006, 12:54 PM	#4
Deputy Dawg Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Central Texas Gulf Coast Posts: 2,228	Re: Health Club Membership __________________ LOCK and LOAD................................... GOD, GUNS,GUTS the three that keep us FREE!!!!

02-02-2006, 03:09 PM	#5
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Health Club Membership __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

02-02-2006, 05:38 PM	#6
muley V.I.P. Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Far North Cal Posts: 276	Re: Health Club Membership That's a fiver......... __________________ I love the smell of Hoppe's #9 in the morning.

02-02-2006, 11:29 PM	#7
pickenup Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains Posts: 6,837	Re: Health Club Membership Got a friend (trainer) that I HAVE to send this one too. I think her name may be Belinda. Na, maybe not. __________________ The gene pool needs chlorine