Redneck Manners - The Firearms Forum

Bruce FLinch · 07-05-2007, 11:38 PM

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal."
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records

durk · 07-06-2007, 01:13 AM

Nighthawk · 07-06-2007, 01:48 PM

Marlin · 07-06-2007, 06:57 PM

travihanson · 07-07-2007, 05:47 AM

uhh...i can list like 3 of those things that i did do.......sad, i know but i also know im not alone

07-05-2007, 11:38 PM	#1
Bruce FLinch Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point Posts: 5,016	Redneck Manners Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. Dining Out 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. Entertaining In Your Home 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. Personal Hygiene 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. Dating (outside the family) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal." Weddings 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack. Driving Etiquette 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck Murder: 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records __________________ A bad day @ the Range, is better than a good day @ work. -->

07-06-2007, 01:13 AM	#2
durk Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 2,026	Re: Redneck Manners __________________ Durk

07-06-2007, 01:48 PM	#3
Nighthawk Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: South Central Texas Posts: 3,330	Re: Redneck Manners __________________ Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives." --John Adams, letter to Benjamin Rush, April 18, 1808 NRA Life TSRA Life GOA Member

07-06-2007, 06:57 PM	#4
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Re: Redneck Manners __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

07-07-2007, 05:47 AM	#5
travihanson Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Milo, ME Posts: 582	Re: Redneck Manners uhh...i can list like 3 of those things that i did do.......sad, i know but i also know im not alone __________________ The two loudest sounds in the world are a click when you expect a bang, and a bang when you expect a click.