Midwest Orientation Lesson

[AL MOUNT]

A message from the rural Midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters and Californians cross states such as

Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota,

those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of informalion guidelines.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest

the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:


1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your car.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Go ahead and bring your $3600 Orvis hand made bamboo fly rod.

Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle.

We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.

5. Pull your pants up homey. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach,

we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.

Order steak. Order it rare

Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice, the whisky is optional.

9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends?

We're real impressed... We have a quarter-million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

10. Let's get this straight - We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red.

We may even stop when it's yellow.

11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to.

So, you're a feminist... Isn't that cute...!

12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar?

It's available at the bait shop.

13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.

Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways...

Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the other two.

Pick one and use it accordingly.

Same goes for the noisy Saturday night stock car track.

14. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or baseball season.

They're religious holidays . You can get breakfast at the church.

15. So every person in every pickup waves.

It's called being friendly. Understand the concept, moron?

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard.

It spooks our fish.

17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot,

his name is "Sir". No matter how old he is.

18. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain

and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes.

Any other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot...Willie....

19. We also speak ENGLISH here, speak it or go away.


Now, enjoy your visit ......

[Marlin]

A - M E N !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bunnyhunter12]

Sounds like a place I could get to like calling home. You got some good ocean front property in Missouri right ? Can't stand being away from Old Blue.

[Bruce FLinch]

The city folk will never get it!

[Brett Byers]

Well said and a hearty Amen!

[catfish83861]

Dang sho me state feller must have stolen that from an Oakie. Hey Al the best recipe I ever found for Carp was by using a Hickory slab to cook them on, Then when finished ,of course throw away the Carp and Eat the board. catfish

[Pistolenschutze]

Originally Posted by bunnyhunter12

Sounds like a place I could get to like calling home. You got some good ocean front property in Missouri right ? Can't stand being away from Old Blue.

Bunny, come right in. Sit down. I'd like to show you some of the finest ocean front property to be found anywhere, but it's right here in Colorado! Only a small down payment, and easy montly installments, it's yours!

[travihanson]

Sounds like Maine all the way Nice post...

[Armed Citizen]

Originally Posted by AL MOUNT

A message from the rural Midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters and Californians cross states such as

You forgot the bargin recently made available:

Perfect for condominium development.
Stainless steel construction will withstand subsidized housing.
Federally subsidized Guards and grounds maintenance.
Fishing ponds and campground sites also available.

[noslolo]

Ah...it's good to be around like minded folks.

[ponycar17]

I think that half the state of Ohio is moving to SC, and sadly, I haven't met any of the folks that think like this...

Maybe we're just unlucky enough to get all the city folks moving here that are creating yuppy hives in these things they call subdivisions?...

[Bruce FLinch]

Originally Posted by ponycar17

I think that half the state of Ohio is moving to SC, and sadly, I haven't met any of the folks that think like this...

Maybe we're just unlucky enough to get all the city folks moving here that are creating yuppy hives in these things they call subdivisions?...

Condolences from Kalifornia...

[Carl S]

It couldn't be half of the state of Ohio; half are already in Florida!

[ponycar17]

Originally Posted by Carl S

It couldn't be half of the state of Ohio; half are already in Florida!

It must be the most popular state to relocate FROM. There are more out-of-state tags here from Ohio than any other non-connecting state. It's just odd...

[300 H&H]

sounds just like "Home" to me....Kirk, out

[polishshooter]

Originally Posted by catfish83861

Dang sho me state feller must have stolen that from an Oakie. Hey Al the best recipe I ever found for Carp was by using a Hickory slab to cook them on, Then when finished ,of course throw away the Carp and Eat the board. catfish

Cat, the way I heard it was to pack the carp (OR Sheephead....) in nice green horsesh-- and SMOKE it in the hickory smoke for a minimum of 12 hours....


..and when it's done, throw away the fish and eat the horsesh--......



But seriously though, years ago a buddy of mine and I used to spend every Friday night on the White River around Athens, OH with our lanterns fishing for blues and channels, and when they weren't hitting we'd make strawbery doughballs out of kool aid and wheaties and play with the carp in the trash water nearby for fun....(yeah, broke a few rods too.....)

...and there was ALWAYS a guy nearby fishing for carp, that asked us to save ours and give him dibs on them before we threw them back, and he'd always take the smaller ones and we'd throw back the big ones.

We asked him what he did with them, and he told us his son was a CATERER, and they used carp in ALL of their noodle recipes that called for Tuna!

He said you use little ones 3-4 lbs or less, cut away all the belly meat and "mud veins," clean it up nicely, then chunk it up bones and all, and pressure cook it for 90 minutes all by itself.....and when it's done, you can freeze it and use it for anything you would use Tuna, and his son was FOREVEVER getting asked for his "Tuna Salad Recipe," even at rich socialite functions, but he never told them about the "tuna...."


I never tried it, but he sure took a LOT of our carp over the years I lived there!


And for the record, Al, it isn't ONLY the "Mid West," although when I moved to Indiana we noticed a LOT more "waving...."

People from the dairy farms of Western and upstate New York, the mountains of PA, and West Virginia and Kentucky,, (along with almost the entire South except maybe Atlanta and "N'Orlins") get it too.....