Cows

[Contenderizer]

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a city slicker, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The man parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the man selects one of the animals and looks on with amusement as he stuffs it into the trunk of his BMW.

Then Bud says to the man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're obviously an elected official from Washington", says Bud. Wow! That's correct," says the city slicker, "but how did you guess that?" “No guessing required, answered the cowboy. You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living … or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now, kindly give me back my God-damned dog.”

[Marlin]

I always get a chuckle out of this one.

Thanks for posting it.

[308 at my gate]

First time I heard this one. Thanks for alittle humor.

[davy jones]

a new one for me i want to forward to an old marine buddy in vegas. my wife liked it also. davy jones