You Are in a Redneck Church if........

dons2346 · 07-08-2010, 12:54 PM

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of . "

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale . "

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ....

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ..

Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink . "

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...

"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ...

The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear . "

God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers

dad2thebone · 02-03-2013, 04:50 PM

gotta love it! now that's funny .

68c15 · 02-04-2013, 08:36 PM

#12 sounds good to me.

Buckshot · 02-04-2013, 11:53 PM

Amen!

twobit · 02-05-2013, 07:47 AM

# 15 absolutely!
and remember that in Texas it is illegal to milk another man's cow.

02-04-2013, 08:36 PM	#3
68c15 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 2,047	Re: You Are in a Redneck Church if........ #12 sounds good to me. __________________ I'll go defenseless when our leaders do the same

02-04-2013, 11:53 PM	#4
Buckshot Senior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Southern AZ Posts: 881	Re: You Are in a Redneck Church if........ Amen! __________________ United States of America - Born July 4th, 1776 - Killed by 50 million brain-dead zombies November 6th, 2012 Mack: Shame what this town's come to. Charley Waite: You could do something about it. Mack: What? We're freighters. Ralph here's a shopkeeper. Charley Waite: You're men, ain't you? Mack: I didn't raise my boys just to see 'em killed. Charley Waite: Well you may not know this, but there's things that gnaw at a man worse than dying. - Open Range MOLON LABE

02-05-2013, 07:47 AM	#5
twobit V.I.P. Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: TEXAS! Posts: 355	Re: You Are in a Redneck Church if........ # 15 absolutely! and remember that in Texas it is illegal to milk another man's cow.

07-08-2010, 12:54 PM	#1
dons2346 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Move between WA and points south Contributor Posts: 1,415	You Are in a Redneck Church if........ 1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys and two women stand up. 4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of . " 6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale . " 7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. 8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub. 10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. 11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy. 12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call. 13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink . " 15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. 16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear . " God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers __________________ "A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the ball, and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be your constant companion of your walks." --Thomas Jefferson, letter to Peter Carr, 1785 -->

02-03-2013, 04:50 PM	#2
dad2thebone Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,357	Re: You Are in a Redneck Church if........ gotta love it! now that's funny . __________________ 9-11-01 we will never forget.And then we have dec 7 now it's Nov 6th all sad days for our country. And dont whizz on my leg then tell me it's raining.