Just so you folks wont get mad at me...

[JLA]

nice. sounds like the boy has some decent parents...

[armedandsafe]

Donny, when the time comes, let me know. I "just happen" to have a white shotgun.

Pops

[denny 714]

Congrats Don,
Wow, and I know you know what I mean!!!

Denny G.

[pickenup]

Just a reminder, and so that you have this close at hand.


So, you want to date my daughter.


Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Football games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a sand dune in a Middle Eastern Desert. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER:
Name:___________________________
Date of Birth:______________________
Height:__________ Weight:____________
I.Q.___________ GPA:_________
Social Security Number:___________________
Driver's License #:____________
Boy Scout Rank:_______________________________________
Home Address:____________________________ City:____________________
State:____________________________ Zip Code:__________________
How fast can you run: 40 yards?_______________
2 miles?___________________
Do you own a
(A)Van?____
(B)Truck with oversized tires?_____
(C)Waterbed?_____
Do you have an earing, nose ring or belly button ring?__________
Tatoo?_________

NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #8, discontinue the application process and leave the premises!

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
_______________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
_______________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
_______________________________________________________
Church you Attend:______________How often do you attend?_________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________

Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone, ever.)

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the__________.
If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is___________________________.
A Women's place is in the _________________________.
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________.
In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like______________to be contacted.
My greatest fear is__________________________________________.
When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her___________________.

NOTE: If the answer to the last question begins with a "B", discontinue the application process and leave the premises. Keeping your head low, and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to be "IF" you grow up?____________________________
Have you ever been fingerprinted?______
Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_______
Your dentist is____________
Emergency phone #____________.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION
Sign Here in your own blood:___________________________

[CampingJosh]

Pick, I'm sure glad I don't have a daughter. And that I never met your daughter.

[Crpdeth]

I try not to bombard you folks with pictures, but since Red asked me for an update recently... Well... That's about all the excuse I need.

I'll include one from her Thanksgiving lunch/play at school... Then one showing off her balloons that a friend of mine made for her and another out in the back yard.


Crpdeth

[pickenup]

Adorable.........as always.
THANKS

[Crpdeth]

How time flies....

I can't believe today is her sixth birthday... Just can't believe it.

Here are a couple pics... I'm already regretting that microphone, but she keeps it turned down most of the time.

[JLA]

Good lord donny shes growin up..

Guess ill see you in prison in a few years..

Heres Autumn playing her guitar she got for her birthday. She turned 9 dec .20.. I figure I got about 5 years of freedom left before I hafta whack me some horny little 15 year old boy.

[gun runner]

Doc Holliday sounds better imo

[Bobitis]

Note to Donny and Josh...

Do NOT blink!

Yer kids will be off to college before ya know it.

[pickenup]

It's been a while.
Thanks for the updated pics and Autumn's too.

[rosierita]

donny & josh ~ the pics are GREAT!

[Crpdeth]

Originally Posted by JLA

Guess ill see you in prison in a few years..
.

LOL, you had me LMAO with that one.


Thanks for the replies, peeps!

[joncutt87]

Pink panther balloons, thats so awesome