Weight loss program - The Firearms Forum

Diamondback · 08-10-2012, 08:08 PM

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.

So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"

The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"

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Deputy Dawg · 08-10-2012, 08:17 PM

That is so wrong.

Diamondback · 08-10-2012, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deputy Dawg

That is so wrong.

Bet you laughed though.

skullfr · 08-10-2012, 08:42 PM

me too that is good

Eddie N · 08-11-2012, 09:36 PM

woolleyworm · 08-11-2012, 11:40 PM

That's a belly-achin funny !

Iron Eagle · 08-12-2012, 01:53 PM

Dang it man! :-)

jedwil · 08-12-2012, 03:52 PM

You neglected to post the phone number.

Tmergen24 · 08-12-2012, 03:58 PM

I think I'll pass on the last one and on the first few I'd have to worry about the girl friend comeing to kill me

08-10-2012, 08:08 PM	#1
Diamondback Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Silver City, Oklahoma Posts: 659	Weight loss program A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!" Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business." The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!" The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->

08-10-2012, 08:17 PM	#2
Deputy Dawg Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Central Texas Gulf Coast Posts: 2,229	Re: Weight loss program That is so wrong. __________________ LOCK and LOAD................................... GOD, GUNS,GUTS the three that keep us FREE!!!!

08-10-2012, 08:42 PM	#4
skullfr Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Beaumont,Texas Posts: 902	Re: Weight loss program me too that is good __________________ If Ya cant stand up stand out There is no atheist in a foxhole Psalms 144:1 Blessed be the Lord my strength,which teacheth my hand to war and my fingers to fight

08-11-2012, 09:36 PM	#5
Eddie N Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Colorado Contributor Posts: 1,192	Re: Weight loss program __________________ September 11, 2001 Hope and Change: I hope there's some change left in my paycheck! 2012: Saying good bye to my paycheck.

08-11-2012, 11:40 PM	#6
woolleyworm TFF Moderator/Host Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: SW Fort Worth Contributor Posts: 4,881	Re: Weight loss program That's a belly-achin funny ! __________________ . What are you gonna do, talk the alien to death? -- (on Sigourney Weaver's worry about Guns in Aliens) "Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands." "I carry a small gun to compensate for my huge Blue press." .

08-12-2012, 01:53 PM	#7
Iron Eagle Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Louisiana Posts: 652	Re: Weight loss program Dang it man! :-)

08-12-2012, 03:52 PM	#8
jedwil Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Texas Hill Country Contributor Posts: 1,917	Re: Weight loss program You neglected to post the phone number. __________________ "Today, we need a nation of Minutemen, citizens who are not only prepared to take arms, but citizens who regard the preservation of freedom as the basic purpose of their daily life and who are willing to consciously work and sacrifice for that freedom." -- John F. Kennedy

08-12-2012, 03:58 PM	#9
Tmergen24 V.I.P. Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Wisconsin Contributor Posts: 103	Re: Weight loss program I think I'll pass on the last one and on the first few I'd have to worry about the girl friend comeing to kill me