One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went fishing.
A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack
your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all
something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband
burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need
more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
going to STICK!
Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know
how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
You don't want to see me in all black with them choppers, fully automatic sounding like a helicopter.