need advice on unruly daughter - The Firearms Forum

ryan42 · 02-12-2012, 12:35 PM

me and my wife have been married 22 yrs we have 2 children a girl 20 and boy thats 13.My wife is very ill she is on the heart transplant list and currently has and heartmate 2 lvadd wich is half of an artificial heart.My daughter started school,quit,started school,quit,got fired from her job,got a new one ,got fired, I tell her curfew is 1am and she comes home about 4am or doesnt come home at all.I can ask her to go get me something from the store and she may or may not come home til the next day.Ive grounded her she says i cant do that cause she twenty and I say she still lives under my roof.Im teetering on kicking her out but its awful hard to do what do you guys think.Im open to suggestions anybody

02-12-2012, 12:54 PM

The next time she doesn't come home till the next day change the locks and put her crap on the front porch with a note that says Life sucks Good luck.

Or just video yourself shooting her laptop and or phone.

I seen a picture where the parents posted a note on the door. You missed curfew we changed the locks and provided you a blanket this time sweet dreams.

She is right she is an adult you can't ground her. Weather it is in your house or not. So don't give her a bill for food, room rent, water, electric, sewer, ect.... or tell her to get a job and get her own place.

My parents told me when I got back from basic (National Guard) to go find a place to live I got no time at all. I basically had my stuff packed and on the porch.

Sorry if you are not in school you're not living in my house. I am fine with having my kids in the house while the attend college local (I have 2 community college and 3 uni's within driving distance) from my house. If you flunk out you have 15 days to get a job and a place to live. This living at home in your 20's is pure BS.

JLA · 02-12-2012, 12:57 PM

Shes 20 years old. Time to kick her ass out on her own IMO.

howlnmad · 02-12-2012, 01:06 PM

I can understand the heartache that you are going through. I went through similar issues with our oldest daughter. She had seemed to have lost direction. In and out of schools, going out til wee hours, poor relationships and the what-not. We never really kicked her out but it was coming. Then she joined the Air Force. She's a completely different person now.

Hang in there but stand your ground. She's an adult and can legally live on her own.

BETH · 02-12-2012, 01:08 PM

time to tell her to get her own place once she does that maybe she will appreciate what she has at home

red14 · 02-12-2012, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BETH

time to tell her to get her own place once she does that maybe she will appreciate what she has at home

Right now your priority should be your wife, not child. Tell your daughter that her shennigans is putting unnecessary stress on your wife, and interferring with her chances for survival. She can either shape up and be on time or the locks are changed.

If she doesn't come around, you don't need her there anyway, then follow Beth's advice.

Double D · 02-12-2012, 01:31 PM

I wouldnt put up with that crap for five minutes. I would kick her out TODAY.

Rocketman1 · 02-12-2012, 01:44 PM

I agree with red14. Right now your top priority is your wife.
You need to tell your daughter that as well. In stead of running around at all hours of the night, she should be doing everything she can to help you and your wife get through this difficult time.

If she barked back at me about not being able to ground her because she is 20 years old, then I would make her help by paying her way, or kick her out simple as that. I first suggest taking her out to eat, or taking her somewhere out of the house where the two of you can be alone and have a long heart to heart about her and about your wife.

ryan42 · 02-12-2012, 01:44 PM

I gotta double d Im trully thinking about

ryan42 · 02-12-2012, 01:46 PM

Thats what im going to do when she comes home rockettman.

ryan42 · 02-12-2012, 01:48 PM

whats imo mean JLA

Bobitis · 02-12-2012, 01:53 PM

That's a tough one Ryan. My son is almost 22 and still living with me. He goes to as much school as I can afford. and works about 10 hrs a week at the college he attends. I don't want him to wind up like me, working till he dies at a job he hates.

BUT, fer all the hell he's been through, he's never been disrespectful of anyone. His mother and I got divorced about 15 years ago, and he hasn't heard from her in probably 6 years. In his mind, he has no mother. If the chance ever pops up, he refers to her by her 1st name. It's fine by him and me, but I can only imagine what his mom thinks.

Your daughter is old enough to kick to the curb. Is that what you want? I'm guessing no. Do you ever talk to each other? Not the 'hi hows yer day been', but really talk?

I'd sit her down and lay out the rules of engagement. She can accept them or not. Just make sure she understands it's her choice. After that, there's not much you can do. Sometimes tough love is the best. Tell her you love her, but she has to make some choices in her life. You are her parents, not her slaves.

It's a tight rope to walk, and I wish you the best.

pickenup · 02-12-2012, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryan42

whats imo mean JLA

It means....
In my opinion.

Which happens to be my opinion as well.

geds · 02-12-2012, 01:56 PM

I agree with Rocketman and Red. Take her out to eat somewhere away from the house and the missus so the inevitable drama doesn't stress her out. Don't be ugly, be caring and not accusatory. Explain you are all under a lot of stress (her actions may be her way of dealing with the stress too) and that Mom is most important now and can't be subjected to the added stress of conflict and worry. Tell her you love her, you agree she is an adult now, and that you feel it is best for all if she moves out and is own her own. Give a time line (couple of weeks or so - but a definite date) to move and offer to help her find a place and help her move.

Don't make it ugly - even if she tries to do so. You want to be able to reconcile and hopefully she will understand and offer to help with her mom.

Best of luck!

justsomeguy · 02-12-2012, 02:05 PM

Its hard to manage sometimes but it is your daughter and its easy to say kick her out but then she comes back home pregnant no father and your sick wife!!!!!! I have always found that a true sit down and have a real heart to heart with out yelling. You have to remember that she is 20 and she wants to experience somethings you did to at one time right? Explain to her word for word why its hard to see the path she is on and how that path often leads to undesirable outcomes. The main thing is talk with her not at her talk dont preach influence like a friend not a father. Your parenting is over she is the person she is now but she needs guidence and direction rather than fighting and repermand. Explain your situation maybe its hard for here to see her mother like that so she is acting out you never know in my experience communication is key to these things and for the love of god dont give her alttamadoms think about how you and your wife acted or would act chances are it is just like you would, so now you know how to react. Imo stands for In My Opinion good luck and let us know how it works out.

One Shot · 02-12-2012, 02:30 PM

There is too much of this story missing to be able to give much advice but I'm leaning more with geds and justsomeguy on this one.

My guess is that she doesn't know how to deal with her mom's situation and it is just her way (maybe not the best one) of showing that she still needs her daddy.

Claudius Valarium · 02-12-2012, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bobitis

. . . Your daughter is old enough to kick to the curb. Is that what you want? I'm guessing no. Do you ever talk to each other? Not the 'hi hows yer day been', but really talk?

I'd sit her down and lay out the rules of engagement. She can accept them or not. Just make sure she understands it's her choice. After that, there's not much you can do. Sometimes tough love is the best. Tell her you love her, but she has to make some choices in her life. You are her parents, not her slaves . . .

+1. Also +1 to red14 and Rocketman1.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this . . . . . Your priority is to your wife and your daughter has to understand it in no uncertain circumstances. Your daughter is most likely going through as much pain as you are. After all, one of the most stable things in her life is being changed. She has just chosen potentially destructive behavior as her anger management system.

My advice would be to first talk to your daughter about your obligations to your wife, then tell her the new rules and that it's her choice to take it or leave it. You then go from there. Good luck.

76Highboy · 02-12-2012, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justsomeguy

Its hard to manage sometimes but it is your daughter and its easy to say kick her out but then she comes back home pregnant no father and your sick wife!!!!!! I have always found that a true sit down and have a real heart to heart with out yelling. You have to remember that she is 20 and she wants to experience somethings you did to at one time right? Explain to her word for word why its hard to see the path she is on and how that path often leads to undesirable outcomes. The main thing is talk with her not at her talk dont preach influence like a friend not a father. Your parenting is over she is the person she is now but she needs guidence and direction rather than fighting and repermand. Explain your situation maybe its hard for here to see her mother like that so she is acting out you never know in my experience communication is key to these things and for the love of god dont give her alttamadoms think about how you and your wife acted or would act chances are it is just like you would, so now you know how to react. Imo stands for In My Opinion good luck and let us know how it works out.

Very impressive response.+1 for me.

jack404 · 02-12-2012, 03:10 PM

Just some guy , your a smart guy .. well said and put

Ryan42, prayers for you and all yours

Double D · 02-12-2012, 03:13 PM

Its pretty obvious that your daughter disrespects you and your wife or she wouldnt do what she does. She has a life of her own and doesnt seem to care what you think. If she doesnt want to straighten up and fly right, well, see ya. Its pretty clear she is selfish or she would care about your wifes condition and the stress its causing. I have raised my share of kids so its not like I am someone who hasnt been there. Either she gets with the program or she hits the road.

Plinked · 02-12-2012, 03:22 PM

I went through this with my oldest daughter
Told Miss know it all that she could move back home and save up some money to get back on her feet, after 3 months of wandering back into the house at 3 in the morning I asked her what she had saved up to date...nada!, spent it all as soon as she made it so I told her she can now start paying me rent...she moved out a week later. Thought she had learned her lesson a few months later when she called crying ( saying she had learned her lesson ) to which it cost me almost $5000.00 to get her situated, guess what happened then...you guessed it, I have not spoken to her in 7 years, I have three other ( great ) kids to worry about and they get my full attention. You can only do so much for someone who plays the world for a fool.

cycloneman · 02-12-2012, 03:53 PM

Good question no real right answer.

I have a girl and my bust buddy has all boys. Boys you can kick out the house. Girls are a different story. Why? In my opinion this is a man world and girls will just end up stripping or in pornos.

Yes at some point you will have to kick her out but only after you have tried everything else first.

My daughter acted out and i lost her for a few years. At 15 she was pregant. She was going to school but with the wrong crowd. One morning I decided to go to the dorm unannounced. She was not there but what i saw made me take drastic measures. There were drugs everywhere with kids passed out on the floor. I asked where my daughter was and one guy just started to laugh. I picked him up by his neck. He wasn't laughing no more. I got my daughter and brought her home. She was not quite 18 so i still had a bit of control. I made an appointment with the head doctor and we also went to the local AA meeting place. I brought her there every freaking day for months. She found strength there. We also found out alot about her personality at the shrink. Made some adjustments and now she is on meds. Totally different person. Almost 2 years now. Just a couple of weeks ago she told me thanks for not letting her rot away. One of her old friends is now a stripper and prostitute.

I had the idea that if you throw a girl out she will end up a prostitute of some kind. Someone will take advantage of her. Like i said this is not a womans world. Thats my 02. Good luck to you and your wife. Also prayer is a powerful thing. Ask for prayers for your daughters heart to be softened.

God Bless.

raven818 · 02-12-2012, 04:45 PM

If a daughter/son puts themselves in the position of being an adult, then they should be treated as an adult. Do what you know needs to be done. The longer you wait, the more abuse you and your wife will have to deal with.

JohnHenry · 02-12-2012, 05:07 PM

..... and, which ever approach you decide on do it NOW , the longer you wait the worse the situation will become !

BlackEagle · 02-12-2012, 05:51 PM

For what it's worth, I'll be praying for you too, Ryan. I grieve with you.

+1+1 to JustSomeGuy and Rocketman and some of the others in this thread. Well said.

Your wife is your first priority. I suggest your daughter is either having a delayed teen rebellion period or trying to cope with her mother's situation in her own way, which looks like trying to escape from the situation. The fact she hasn't just left must mean something about her caring for you and your wife, her mother. When you talk with her see if she will come round to helping her mom.

Family has always been important to me, and I do what I can to keep it together, realizing our three kids are all adults now and capable of making their own decisions.

Our daughter was doing some of the same stuff at 15, coming in whenever she felt like it if at all, etc. Kicking her out was never an option in my thinking, although it crossed my mind. At 16 she moved out into a bad situation, but came back 6 months later. We kept communications as open as we could during that time, and let her know she would be welcome back. We treated her as an adult after that and she mostly lived up to that. We did not try to control her, but expected her to pick up her part of living there. She did. She eventually moved out completely, and eventually settled down.

My son has been out to university, graduated, and moved back home. He eventually found a job, and has carried out his part of the housework etc. with a little prompting but mostly on his own volition. He is an adult and I treat him as such and he responds. He is also a fairly responsible person. He talked about getting his own place but has decided that he has it made living at home--no rent, no taxes, no utility bills...he can save his money for a while. He is like a lodger. I don't try to control his life with rules, but trust him to make good decisions. He comes and goes in his own times, as do I. I make it a point to spend a few minutes chatting with him every day.

All that's "for what it's worth".

02-12-2012, 12:35 PM	#1
ryan42 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: marion indiana Contributor Posts: 1,589	need advice on unruly daughter me and my wife have been married 22 yrs we have 2 children a girl 20 and boy thats 13.My wife is very ill she is on the heart transplant list and currently has and heartmate 2 lvadd wich is half of an artificial heart.My daughter started school,quit,started school,quit,got fired from her job,got a new one ,got fired, I tell her curfew is 1am and she comes home about 4am or doesnt come home at all.I can ask her to go get me something from the store and she may or may not come home til the next day.Ive grounded her she says i cant do that cause she twenty and I say she still lives under my roof.Im teetering on kicking her out but its awful hard to do what do you guys think.Im open to suggestions anybody -->

02-12-2012, 12:54 PM	#2
cpttango30 Adnanced Senior Member Posts: n/a	Re: need advice on unruly daughter The next time she doesn't come home till the next day change the locks and put her crap on the front porch with a note that says Life sucks Good luck. Or just video yourself shooting her laptop and or phone. I seen a picture where the parents posted a note on the door. You missed curfew we changed the locks and provided you a blanket this time sweet dreams. She is right she is an adult you can't ground her. Weather it is in your house or not. So don't give her a bill for food, room rent, water, electric, sewer, ect.... or tell her to get a job and get her own place. My parents told me when I got back from basic (National Guard) to go find a place to live I got no time at all. I basically had my stuff packed and on the porch. Sorry if you are not in school you're not living in my house. I am fine with having my kids in the house while the attend college local (I have 2 community college and 3 uni's within driving distance) from my house. If you flunk out you have 15 days to get a job and a place to live. This living at home in your 20's is pure BS. Last edited by cpttango30; 02-12-2012 at 01:03 PM..

02-12-2012, 12:57 PM	#3
JLA TFF Moderator/Host Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Heart Of Texas Contributor Posts: 17,407	Re: need advice on unruly daughter Shes 20 years old. Time to kick her ass out on her own IMO. __________________ It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 3 for proper trigger squeeze. The latest caliber or gear is no substitute for experience and skill. Rifles and cartridges don't make hits -- shooters do. Fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF!

02-12-2012, 01:06 PM	#4
howlnmad Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Harriman, Tn Contributor Posts: 2,637	Re: need advice on unruly daughter I can understand the heartache that you are going through. I went through similar issues with our oldest daughter. She had seemed to have lost direction. In and out of schools, going out til wee hours, poor relationships and the what-not. We never really kicked her out but it was coming. Then she joined the Air Force. She's a completely different person now. Hang in there but stand your ground. She's an adult and can legally live on her own. __________________

02-12-2012, 01:08 PM	#5
BETH Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: naugatuck,Ct. Contributor Posts: 6,686	Re: need advice on unruly daughter time to tell her to get her own place once she does that maybe she will appreciate what she has at home

02-12-2012, 01:31 PM	#7
Double D TFF Moderator/Host Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: North Florida Contributor Posts: 8,252	Re: need advice on unruly daughter I wouldnt put up with that crap for five minutes. I would kick her out TODAY. __________________ I own a bunch of scary guns. You want em? Come and take em..... Liberalism is a serious, non curable, mental disorder... NRA LIFE MEMBER Oath Keepers Member NRA Certified Instructor 30 Yr CC permit holder.

02-12-2012, 01:44 PM	#8
Rocketman1 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Columbus, Ohio Posts: 1,107	Re: need advice on unruly daughter I agree with red14. Right now your top priority is your wife. You need to tell your daughter that as well. In stead of running around at all hours of the night, she should be doing everything she can to help you and your wife get through this difficult time. If she barked back at me about not being able to ground her because she is 20 years old, then I would make her help by paying her way, or kick her out simple as that. I first suggest taking her out to eat, or taking her somewhere out of the house where the two of you can be alone and have a long heart to heart about her and about your wife. __________________ There is no such thing as a gun accident. Irresponsible gun owners cause so-called gun accidents.

02-12-2012, 01:46 PM	#10
ryan42 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: marion indiana Contributor Posts: 1,589	Re: need advice on unruly daughter Thats what im going to do when she comes home rockettman.

02-12-2012, 01:48 PM	#11
ryan42 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: marion indiana Contributor Posts: 1,589	Re: need advice on unruly daughter whats imo mean JLA

02-12-2012, 01:53 PM	#12
Bobitis Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 6,612	Re: need advice on unruly daughter That's a tough one Ryan. My son is almost 22 and still living with me. He goes to as much school as I can afford. and works about 10 hrs a week at the college he attends. I don't want him to wind up like me, working till he dies at a job he hates. BUT, fer all the hell he's been through, he's never been disrespectful of anyone. His mother and I got divorced about 15 years ago, and he hasn't heard from her in probably 6 years. In his mind, he has no mother. If the chance ever pops up, he refers to her by her 1st name. It's fine by him and me, but I can only imagine what his mom thinks. Your daughter is old enough to kick to the curb. Is that what you want? I'm guessing no. Do you ever talk to each other? Not the 'hi hows yer day been', but really talk? I'd sit her down and lay out the rules of engagement. She can accept them or not. Just make sure she understands it's her choice. After that, there's not much you can do. Sometimes tough love is the best. Tell her you love her, but she has to make some choices in her life. You are her parents, not her slaves. It's a tight rope to walk, and I wish you the best. __________________ ^.^ A point in every direction is the same as having no point at all

02-12-2012, 01:56 PM	#14
geds Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 3,706	Re: need advice on unruly daughter I agree with Rocketman and Red. Take her out to eat somewhere away from the house and the missus so the inevitable drama doesn't stress her out. Don't be ugly, be caring and not accusatory. Explain you are all under a lot of stress (her actions may be her way of dealing with the stress too) and that Mom is most important now and can't be subjected to the added stress of conflict and worry. Tell her you love her, you agree she is an adult now, and that you feel it is best for all if she moves out and is own her own. Give a time line (couple of weeks or so - but a definite date) to move and offer to help her find a place and help her move. Don't make it ugly - even if she tries to do so. You want to be able to reconcile and hopefully she will understand and offer to help with her mom. Best of luck!

02-12-2012, 02:05 PM	#15
justsomeguy V.I.P. Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Detroit Mich Posts: 66	Re: need advice on unruly daughter Its hard to manage sometimes but it is your daughter and its easy to say kick her out but then she comes back home pregnant no father and your sick wife!!!!!! I have always found that a true sit down and have a real heart to heart with out yelling. You have to remember that she is 20 and she wants to experience somethings you did to at one time right? Explain to her word for word why its hard to see the path she is on and how that path often leads to undesirable outcomes. The main thing is talk with her not at her talk dont preach influence like a friend not a father. Your parenting is over she is the person she is now but she needs guidence and direction rather than fighting and repermand. Explain your situation maybe its hard for here to see her mother like that so she is acting out you never know in my experience communication is key to these things and for the love of god dont give her alttamadoms think about how you and your wife acted or would act chances are it is just like you would, so now you know how to react. Imo stands for In My Opinion good luck and let us know how it works out. Last edited by justsomeguy; 02-12-2012 at 02:07 PM..

02-12-2012, 02:30 PM	#16
One Shot V.I.P. Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Colorado Posts: 381	Re: need advice on unruly daughter There is too much of this story missing to be able to give much advice but I'm leaning more with geds and justsomeguy on this one. My guess is that she doesn't know how to deal with her mom's situation and it is just her way (maybe not the best one) of showing that she still needs her daddy. __________________ OS The most important question you can ever answer: "Who do you say I am?" - Jesus Christ - Luke 9:20 http://www.gty.org/resources/articles/A335

02-12-2012, 03:10 PM	#19
jack404 Former Guest Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Australia Contributor Posts: 17,622	Re: need advice on unruly daughter Just some guy , your a smart guy .. well said and put Ryan42, prayers for you and all yours

02-12-2012, 03:13 PM	#20
Double D TFF Moderator/Host Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: North Florida Contributor Posts: 8,252	Re: need advice on unruly daughter Its pretty obvious that your daughter disrespects you and your wife or she wouldnt do what she does. She has a life of her own and doesnt seem to care what you think. If she doesnt want to straighten up and fly right, well, see ya. Its pretty clear she is selfish or she would care about your wifes condition and the stress its causing. I have raised my share of kids so its not like I am someone who hasnt been there. Either she gets with the program or she hits the road. __________________ I own a bunch of scary guns. You want em? Come and take em..... Liberalism is a serious, non curable, mental disorder... NRA LIFE MEMBER Oath Keepers Member NRA Certified Instructor 30 Yr CC permit holder.

02-12-2012, 03:22 PM	#21
Plinked V.I.P. Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Georgia Posts: 71	Re: need advice on unruly daughter I went through this with my oldest daughter Told Miss know it all that she could move back home and save up some money to get back on her feet, after 3 months of wandering back into the house at 3 in the morning I asked her what she had saved up to date...nada!, spent it all as soon as she made it so I told her she can now start paying me rent...she moved out a week later. Thought she had learned her lesson a few months later when she called crying ( saying she had learned her lesson ) to which it cost me almost $5000.00 to get her situated, guess what happened then...you guessed it, I have not spoken to her in 7 years, I have three other ( great ) kids to worry about and they get my full attention. You can only do so much for someone who plays the world for a fool.

02-12-2012, 03:53 PM	#22
cycloneman Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Louisiana Posts: 7,434	Re: need advice on unruly daughter Good question no real right answer. I have a girl and my bust buddy has all boys. Boys you can kick out the house. Girls are a different story. Why? In my opinion this is a man world and girls will just end up stripping or in pornos. Yes at some point you will have to kick her out but only after you have tried everything else first. My daughter acted out and i lost her for a few years. At 15 she was pregant. She was going to school but with the wrong crowd. One morning I decided to go to the dorm unannounced. She was not there but what i saw made me take drastic measures. There were drugs everywhere with kids passed out on the floor. I asked where my daughter was and one guy just started to laugh. I picked him up by his neck. He wasn't laughing no more. I got my daughter and brought her home. She was not quite 18 so i still had a bit of control. I made an appointment with the head doctor and we also went to the local AA meeting place. I brought her there every freaking day for months. She found strength there. We also found out alot about her personality at the shrink. Made some adjustments and now she is on meds. Totally different person. Almost 2 years now. Just a couple of weeks ago she told me thanks for not letting her rot away. One of her old friends is now a stripper and prostitute. I had the idea that if you throw a girl out she will end up a prostitute of some kind. Someone will take advantage of her. Like i said this is not a womans world. Thats my 02. Good luck to you and your wife. Also prayer is a powerful thing. Ask for prayers for your daughters heart to be softened. God Bless. __________________ Who are you going to serve today?

02-12-2012, 04:45 PM	#23
raven818 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Jax, Fl. Contributor Posts: 4,439	Re: need advice on unruly daughter If a daughter/son puts themselves in the position of being an adult, then they should be treated as an adult. Do what you know needs to be done. The longer you wait, the more abuse you and your wife will have to deal with. __________________ Firearms and Salt Water Fishing Retired 42 Years LEO

02-12-2012, 05:07 PM	#24
JohnHenry Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Livingston county, Michigan Posts: 1,244	Re: need advice on unruly daughter ..... and, which ever approach you decide on do it NOW , the longer you wait the worse the situation will become ! __________________ Freedom .... Is Never Free ! We need Term Limits .... Send the "Professional Politicians" home .

02-12-2012, 05:51 PM	#25
BlackEagle Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: UK Posts: 3,248	Re: need advice on unruly daughter For what it's worth, I'll be praying for you too, Ryan. I grieve with you. +1+1 to JustSomeGuy and Rocketman and some of the others in this thread. Well said. Your wife is your first priority. I suggest your daughter is either having a delayed teen rebellion period or trying to cope with her mother's situation in her own way, which looks like trying to escape from the situation. The fact she hasn't just left must mean something about her caring for you and your wife, her mother. When you talk with her see if she will come round to helping her mom. Family has always been important to me, and I do what I can to keep it together, realizing our three kids are all adults now and capable of making their own decisions. Our daughter was doing some of the same stuff at 15, coming in whenever she felt like it if at all, etc. Kicking her out was never an option in my thinking, although it crossed my mind. At 16 she moved out into a bad situation, but came back 6 months later. We kept communications as open as we could during that time, and let her know she would be welcome back. We treated her as an adult after that and she mostly lived up to that. We did not try to control her, but expected her to pick up her part of living there. She did. She eventually moved out completely, and eventually settled down. My son has been out to university, graduated, and moved back home. He eventually found a job, and has carried out his part of the housework etc. with a little prompting but mostly on his own volition. He is an adult and I treat him as such and he responds. He is also a fairly responsible person. He talked about getting his own place but has decided that he has it made living at home--no rent, no taxes, no utility bills...he can save his money for a while. He is like a lodger. I don't try to control his life with rules, but trust him to make good decisions. He comes and goes in his own times, as do I. I make it a point to spend a few minutes chatting with him every day. All that's "for what it's worth".