New Law from Congress - AWNAA
NEW LAW COMING FROM CONGRESS -- AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT (AWNAA)
WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping new legislation, which provides greatly improved benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative achievement by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Senator Barbara Boxer, herself a serious underachiever.
"We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they
are doing and why they are doing it."
The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of People of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). The DMV also has a great record of hiring People of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing job satisfaction and an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of People of Inability in middle management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium
businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI, due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other
untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation." Kennedy has long been an advocate of this legislation, and has personally led by example and set the standard for People of Inability who will benefit
A bad day @ the Range, is better than a good day @ work.