Beer Troubleshooting Guide - The Firearms Forum

Pistolenschutze · 03-31-2006, 12:14 PM

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE
SYMPTOM CAUSE CORRECTIVE ACTION

Feet cold and wet. Glass Being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet. Improper Bladder Control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless. a. Glass empty. b. You're holding a Coors Lite. Get someone to buy you another beer.

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes. You have fallen forward. See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. a. Mouth not open
b. Glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor Blurred. You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving. You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark. Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles. You are dancing on the table. Fall on someone cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear. It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch him.

People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup. You're in the ladies' room. Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional).

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer.

Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk. a. You're in jail. b. You're in the navy. Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach.

You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps. You're in a gay bar. Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs.

Your singing sounds distorted. The beer is too weak. Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song. Beer is just right. Play air guitar.

SouthernMoss · 03-31-2006, 02:57 PM

inplanotx · 03-31-2006, 02:59 PM

Bruce FLinch · 03-31-2006, 08:25 PM

Thanks for the guide. Just in time for Friday night!

southernshooter · 04-02-2006, 12:21 AM

So It's not just me that has those problems.

03-31-2006, 12:14 PM	#1
Pistolenschutze Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 13,094	Beer Troubleshooting Guide BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE SYMPTOM CAUSE CORRECTIVE ACTION Feet cold and wet. Glass Being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Feet warm and wet. Improper Bladder Control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training. Beer unusually pale and tasteless. a. Glass empty. b. You're holding a Coors Lite. Get someone to buy you another beer. Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backward. Have yourself leashed to bar. Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes. You have fallen forward. See above. Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. a. Mouth not open b. Glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. Floor Blurred. You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer. Floor moving. You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar. Room seems unusually dark. Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run. Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside. Everyone looks up to you and smiles. You are dancing on the table. Fall on someone cushy-looking. Beer is crystal-clear. It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch him. People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup. You're in the ladies' room. Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional). Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer. Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk. a. You're in jail. b. You're in the navy. Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach. You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps. You're in a gay bar. Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs. Your singing sounds distorted. The beer is too weak. Have more beer until your voice improves. Don't remember the words to the song. Beer is just right. Play air guitar. __________________ --Pistolenschutze (Pistol Shooter) -->

03-31-2006, 02:57 PM	#2
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Beer Troubleshooting Guide __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

03-31-2006, 02:59 PM	#3
inplanotx Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 8,897	Re: Beer Troubleshooting Guide __________________

03-31-2006, 08:25 PM	#4
Bruce FLinch Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point Posts: 5,016	Re: Beer Troubleshooting Guide Thanks for the guide. Just in time for Friday night! __________________ A bad day @ the Range, is better than a good day @ work.

04-02-2006, 12:21 AM	#5
southernshooter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Deep South Mississippi Posts: 5,943	Re: Beer Troubleshooting Guide So It's not just me that has those problems. __________________ Only you can see this