A Retiring General
The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early
retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his
full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to
select any pair of points he wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to
measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked
out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of
his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure,
he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to
reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had
received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be
fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the pants. He
did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and
began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?"
The general replied, "In Vietnam."