MADAM---MADAM? - The Firearms Forum

rooter · 09-18-2003, 03:48 PM

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and
>>decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
>>proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off.
>>The man should be here soon".
>>
>>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang
>>the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
>>
>>"Good morning madam. I've come to......"
>>
>>"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
>>
>>"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
>>babies."
>>
>>"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
>>
>>After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>>
>>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>>couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
>>fun too....you can really spread out!"
>>
>>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
>>
>>"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
>>try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
>>sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>>
>>"My, my, that's a lot of ...! ! ," gasped Mrs. Smith.
>>
>>"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
>>and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
>>
>>"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
>>
>>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
>>baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
>>
>>"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
>>
>>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
>>mother was so difficult to work with."
>>
>>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>>
>>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job
>>done right. People were crow! ding aro und four and five deep, pushing to
>>get a good look."
>>
>>"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
>>
>>"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The
>>mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate!
>>Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
>>squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
>>
>>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, um,
>>equipment ?"
>>
>>"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that
>>we can get to work."
>>
>>"Tripod??", questioned Mrs. Smith.
>>
>>"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big
for
>>me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam?...

tuckerd1 · 09-18-2003, 03:53 PM

ROFLMAO! Good un Chief!

Marlin · 09-18-2003, 05:05 PM

That's one of the best I've heard recently!

Hope 69/70 · 09-18-2003, 10:35 PM

Sn. Chief,

That was a real belly laugh!

Hope

09-18-2003, 03:48 PM	#1
rooter VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Marty Robbins old hometown, Glendale Arizona--a suburb of Phoenix. Contributor Posts: 9,267	MADAM---MADAM? The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and >>decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the >>proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. >>The man should be here soon". >> >>Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang >>the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. >> >>"Good morning madam. I've come to......" >> >>"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. >> >>"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of >>babies." >> >>"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." >> >>After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" >> >>"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the >>couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is >>fun too....you can really spread out!" >> >>"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." >> >>"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we >>try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm >>sure you'll be pleased with the results." >> >>"My, my, that's a lot of ...! ! ," gasped Mrs. Smith. >> >>"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in >>and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." >> >>"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. >> >>The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his >>baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." >> >>"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. >> >>"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their >>mother was so difficult to work with." >> >>"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. >> >>"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job >>done right. People were crow! ding aro und four and five deep, pushing to >>get a good look." >> >>"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. >> >>"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The >>mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate! >>Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the >>squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." >> >>Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, um, >>equipment ?" >> >>"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that >>we can get to work." >> >>"Tripod??", questioned Mrs. Smith. >> >>"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for >>me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam?... __________________ -->

09-18-2003, 05:05 PM	#3
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	That's one of the best I've heard recently! Attached Images __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

09-18-2003, 10:35 PM	#4
Hope 69/70 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 2,549	Sn. Chief, That was a real belly laugh! Hope __________________ WAC - HQ. USARV / G1, Long Binh - Feb 69 - Feb 70

09-18-2003, 03:53 PM	#2
tuckerd1 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Paint Rock Valley, Alabama Posts: 3,147	ROFLMAO! Good un Chief!