A nice G rated story, true, that happened to Judy and I.
When we lived in Fairbanks, we took up skiing. We bought a package deal from a ski shop that included skiis, poles, pants, boots and three ski lessons. Our instructor, who owned the ski-shop, told us not to worry about waxing our skis, as they had a 'P-tex' base which would serve us well until we were much more experienced.
After a dozen trips to Cleary Summit just North of town, I decided we were much more experienced, and bought a tube of Sako Racing Wax. I put a coat on my skis, and since Judy was still at work I decided to wax hers also.
I did not mention this to her.
I wanted to surprise her.
That night, we went to the slope.
We both got on the tow-rope, and as we progressed up the hill I decided that we should go clear to the top - for the first time - to get the full effect of my surprise for her, and told her to stay on the rope to the top of the slope. The slope was graduated, with the top being steepest, then moderate, and the bottom being the beginners slope. She complied, and we both exited to the very top of the hill. She was a little nervous about the extra steepness (not to mention the moguls there!), so I went first.
I turned my skis downhill, and I started down, accelerating at a wild rate. I managed to go around the first two moguls, hit the third dead center which got me airborn, and crashed and burned not more than 75 feet from where I had started. As I lay there considering the thought that perhaps the wax was a bit premature for us, I heard a high-pitched "SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH" sound above me. Looking up the slope I saw Judy coming my way. The poles were locked under her arms, her eyes were wide, her mouth was in a grimace, and she shot past me accelerating like a bottle rocket. She made it about 50 feet further than I had, and then disappeared in a cloud of snow, hands, feet, poles and skis as she performed a spectacular crash and burn. I managed to limp my way to her about the same time the Ski Patroll arrived with their toboggan-stretcher. She got up, unhurt, with nothing broken. The Ski Patrol got mad because she had not let them know she was OK before they got up there, but she told them she did not KNOW what shape she was in and had been afraid to move.
She knew SOMETHING had happened to her skis.
I confessed, which brought the firearms tie-in.
She seriously considered shooting me for that stunt.
I spent the rest of the night working the wax OFF of our skis.
Christ told me to arm myself. If you want me disarmed - - Molon Labe.