Unfortunate Headlines . . . - The Firearms Forum

mrkirker · 05-26-2009, 12:19 PM

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Indicates

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

New Study for Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Red Tape Holding Up Bridges

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

USMCSpeedy · 05-26-2009, 01:01 PM

VERY FUNNY

And to think, the people who wrote these most likely went to school for journalism, AND PASSED.

4EvrLearning · 05-26-2009, 01:23 PM

rofl @ these!!! I now have a serious case of the giggles.......

Here are some "bloopers" from church bulletins (with my favorites in bold type)

The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people
who are not afflicted with any church.

Evening Massage - 6 PM

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

For those of you have have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay
an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
may be seen in the church basement Friday.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing
for the girth of their first child.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

pinecone70 · 05-26-2009, 01:34 PM

LOL!!!!

Nighthawk · 05-26-2009, 02:43 PM

Tony22-250 · 05-26-2009, 10:23 PM

Are these real??

LurpyGeek · 05-26-2009, 10:57 PM

Jay Leno used to do a "Headlines" segment on his Monday show. I saved the ones that amused me for a long time and I have hundreds of them. They would take me a long time to post, but maybe if I find some time I'll throw a few on here.

One of my favorites was from right here in Utah. It was supposed to be an announcement telling kids to get ready for Santa's arrival at the mall, but instead it read...

HEY KIDS! GET READY FOR SATAN'S ARRIVAL AT THE VALLEY MALL!!!

armedandsafe · 05-27-2009, 01:18 AM

We moved to San Diego when the factory here closed in 78.The very first newspaper I saw in San diego had a picture of the mayor flanked by two young ladies. The caption said:

"Miss So-and-So, one of the first of two to receive this award..."

The quality of the paper went down hill from there.

Pops

05-26-2009, 12:19 PM	#1
mrkirker Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 3,067	Unfortunate Headlines . . . Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One Eye Drops Off Shelf Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Indicates Miners Refuse to Work After Death Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link Stolen Painting Found by Tree Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures New Study for Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Red Tape Holding Up Bridges Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Include Your Children When Baking Cookies Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands Teacher Strikes Idle Kids Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead __________________ *I don't know if dogs have a heaven, but there will be dogs in mine.* -->

05-26-2009, 01:01 PM	#2
USMCSpeedy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 631	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . VERY FUNNY And to think, the people who wrote these most likely went to school for journalism, AND PASSED. __________________ If all else fails, VOTE FROM THE ROOFTOPS Trying to reform a liberal is like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end. What this country needs is more family trees that will produce more lumber and fewer nuts!

05-26-2009, 01:23 PM	#3
4EvrLearning Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Left Coast Posts: 1,449	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . rofl @ these!!! I now have a serious case of the giggles....... Here are some "bloopers" from church bulletins (with my favorites in bold type) The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church. Evening Massage - 6 PM The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. Ushers will eat latecomers. For those of you have have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours." Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help. __________________ *"Until God is finished with me, I am immortal." Jonathan Edwards, American Theologian (1703-1758)* Last edited by 4EvrLearning; 05-26-2009 at 01:28 PM..

05-26-2009, 01:34 PM	#4
pinecone70 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota Gal! Posts: 4,730	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . LOL!!!! __________________ _____________________________________________ "Miss Scarlet, in the library...with a revolver...."

05-26-2009, 02:43 PM	#5
Nighthawk Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: South Central Texas Posts: 3,330	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . __________________ Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives." --John Adams, letter to Benjamin Rush, April 18, 1808 NRA Life TSRA Life GOA Member

05-26-2009, 10:23 PM	#6
Tony22-250 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Snellville, GA Posts: 1,146	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . Are these real?? __________________ Bullets change governments far surer than votes. The most powerful weapon you can buy isn't a .50 caliber. It's a Senate Seat.... "When injustice becomes law, then resistance becomes duty." Thomas Jefferson

05-26-2009, 10:57 PM	#7
LurpyGeek Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: UT Posts: 1,436	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . Jay Leno used to do a "Headlines" segment on his Monday show. I saved the ones that amused me for a long time and I have hundreds of them. They would take me a long time to post, but maybe if I find some time I'll throw a few on here. One of my favorites was from right here in Utah. It was supposed to be an announcement telling kids to get ready for Santa's arrival at the mall, but instead it read... HEY KIDS! GET READY FOR SATAN'S ARRIVAL AT THE VALLEY MALL!!! __________________ Knowing is half the battle... Of course, the other half is violence.

05-27-2009, 01:18 AM	#8
armedandsafe Former Guest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Moses Lake, WA Posts: 10,344	Re: Unfortunate Headlines . . . We moved to San Diego when the factory here closed in 78.The very first newspaper I saw in San diego had a picture of the mayor flanked by two young ladies. The caption said: "Miss So-and-So, one of the first of two to receive this award..." The quality of the paper went down hill from there. Pops