Limited addition of Oregun barbies

[kutaho]

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Oregon market:



"North Portland Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant dolls from two different races. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the second infant.



"Lake Oswego Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Pioneer Square Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.



"Beaverton Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.



"Woodburn Barbie"
This recently paroled Bilingual Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.



"Bend Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.



"Klamath Falls Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.



"Lebanon Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Sweet Home Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



"Eugene Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Eugene Barbie's and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.




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[sabashimon]

kutaho, that pretty funny, but I'm think'n you gotta be from around here to appreciate it.
I could be wrong.
(btw, you nailed it )

[bcj1755]

That was pretty funny. I could replace most of those city names with sections of Charlotte, NC and it would work too

[pinecone70]

OMG, water almost came out my nose!

[Kieran McCaig]

you could use that for about any city in north america it's good for a laugh.

[artabr]

This is pretty much a repete of Kutaho's post but some of the locals might appreciate it.

Mattel also put out (double entendre warning) a special New Orleans area Barbie series.
Note: Some units were more special than others.

The new local Barbies are:

MANDEVILLE BARBIE

This Princess Barbie is only sold on the Northshore. Comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.



BATON ROUGE BARBIE

Modern-Day Homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. Gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.



WESTWEGO BARBIE

Recently Paroled Barbie comes with 9 mm handgun, Ray Lewis knife, Chevy with dark-tinted windows,
and a meth-lab kit. Model only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably in small, untraceable bills).



OLD METAIRIE BARBIE

Yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Mandatory accessories (sold separately) include her own Starbucks cup, an American Express Gold or Platinum card and a country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. WARNING: You ultimately won’t be able to afford her.



PONTCHATOULA BARBIE

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR T-shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Accessories include a 12-pack of Bud Light and Hank Williams Jr. CD set. Doll can spit over 5 feet and kick Mullet-Haired Ken’s butt when drunk. Pickup truck sold separately but comes with a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free!



UPTOWN/GARDEN DISTRICT BARBIE

This collagen-injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available, as well as a warehouse conversion condo.



GOLDEN MEADOW BARBIE

About 80 miles south of New Orleans past Cut Off, past Galliano and over by Catfish Lake, this tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Belton Barbie’s house. Ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



FRENCH QUARTER BARBIE

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long, straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.



THIBODAUX/HOUMA BARBIE

She’s perfect in every way. We don’t know where Thibodaux/Houma Ken is because he’s always hunting or fishing.



DOWNTOWN BARBIE/KEN or can be FRENCH QUARTER BARBIE (AGAIN)

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.



Art

[kutaho]

Originally Posted by sabashimon

kutaho, that pretty funny, but I'm think'n you gotta be from around here to appreciate it.
I could be wrong.
(btw, you nailed it )

I'm down here in Coos County.
Little town called Coquille

[sabashimon]

Yeah, I know Coquille. You wouldn't happen to know an old gentleman, last name Mortenson would you? He may not still be alive, but he was (is?) the dad of a wildlife vet I worked years with.

[USMC-03]

That's to good Kutaho. I'm definitely spreading this around work...

[TranterUK]

Originally Posted by sabashimon

kutaho, that pretty funny, but I'm think'n you gotta be from around here to appreciate it.
I could be wrong.
(btw, you nailed it )

No Shimon, your right, I have no idea what most means, maybe got 5%.

[USMC-03]

Originally Posted by TranterUK

No Shimon, your right, I have no idea what most means, maybe got 5%.

Maybe this will help Tranter. A brief insiders guide to the State of Oregon;


North Portland: Racially diverse and low income area of Portland. It has a relatively high rate of crime, lots of gang activity and has seen quite a few shootings as of late.


Lake Oswego: The upper-crust of the Portland-Metro area; populated by lawyers, surgeons and most of the region's professional sports figures.


Beaverton: Fairly affluent white collar working area, known as the high-technology region of Oregon; home to Nike, Intel and a number of computer chip manufacturers.


Woodburn: Close to the Portland-Metro area but not a part of it. It's still mainly an agriculturally based town and has attracted a large number of migrant (read: illegal) residents. Recently there has been a lot of gang (mainly Hispanic, but some Russian and Asian also) activity using the location on the I-5 corridor as a staging area for moving drugs up and down the West Coast.


Bend: It's a great town on the East side of the Cascade Mountains where I used to live. It's in the heart of Oregon's wilderness recreation area but has been populated by many people escaping California without a clue how to recreate in the wilderness.


Klamath Falls: My wife's home town and called by many, including me, as "Hillbilly City." Enough said.


Lebanon: Traditionally a rough and tumble logging town on the west slope of the Cascade Mountains.


Eugene: This is the Enviro-Marxist bastion of our state. Peace, love, dope, and praise the "Forest Goddess…"

[sabashimon]

Originally Posted by USMC-03

Eugene: This is the Enviro-Marxist bastion of our state. Peace, love, dope, and praise the "Forest Goddess…"

Personally, I was always an OSU Beaver fan

[armedandsafe]

I left Oregon in 1958. Glad to see that not much has changed.

Pops

[USMC-03]

Originally Posted by sabashimon

Personally, I was always an OSU Beaver fan

Neither Beaver nor Duck be...

I went to Oregon Tech.

[sabashimon]

Go Owls!

[kutaho]

Originally Posted by sabashimon

Yeah, I know Coquille. You wouldn't happen to know an old gentleman, last name Mortenson would you? He may not still be alive, but he was (is?) the dad of a wildlife vet I worked years with.

You mean Gene? Yes he is, and a good friend of my wife's
grandfather. Tho his wife passed away about three months ago.
May she rest in peace.

[kutaho]

Originally Posted by USMC-03

Neither Beaver nor Duck be...

I went to Oregon Tech.

I went to Rock Creek.

You'd think had a thing for rocks

and no, it wasn't go stoner's