police humor - The Firearms Forum

Bobitis · 06-08-2009, 06:10 PM

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs.

6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....

1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

dark_falcon27 · 06-08-2009, 06:23 PM

Priceless....

Nighthawk · 06-08-2009, 09:03 PM

AL MOUNT · 06-08-2009, 09:07 PM

What a hoot.

14 is my favorite...

Mr. Nameless · 06-08-2009, 10:27 PM

#1 is just cold.....
BUT IT WAS GREAT, i wonder what the look on the womans face was like

carver · 06-09-2009, 09:27 AM

I suppose you must have a really great sence of humor to do the job they do. Otherwise, you'ld go nuts!

ampaterry · 06-09-2009, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carver

I suppose you must have a really great sence of humor to do the job they do. Otherwise, you'ld go nuts!

There is a lot of truth in this.
I worked for ten years as an electrician in a steel mill. I was completely blown away by the number and extent of practical jokes that were done there without anyone ever cracking down on them. EVERYONE was fair game, from the general foreman on down.
Over time, I realized that it was due to the fact that it was a very high risk job; someone was injured or killed there every now and then, it just went with the territory. Management understood that the jokes were an emotional release, and kept the stress level down, so although they certainly did not ENCOURAGE them, they did very little to stop them either.

And BOY were there some doozies!!!

06-08-2009, 06:23 PM	#2
dark_falcon27 V.I.P. Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Auburn, Al Posts: 90	Re: police humor Priceless.... __________________ "He who stays on the defensive does not make war, he endures it" "...Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle" Psalm 144:1

06-08-2009, 09:03 PM	#3
Nighthawk Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: South Central Texas Posts: 3,330	Re: police humor __________________ Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives." --John Adams, letter to Benjamin Rush, April 18, 1808 NRA Life TSRA Life GOA Member

06-08-2009, 09:07 PM	#4
AL MOUNT Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Cleaning my Thompson in The Foothills of the Ozark Mountains Posts: 3,108	Re: police humor What a hoot. 14 is my favorite... __________________ 501st Parachute Infantry Regiment 101st Airborne Division Vietnam 67-68

06-08-2009, 10:27 PM	#5
Mr. Nameless Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Coast of N.C. Posts: 1,264	Re: police humor #1 is just cold..... BUT IT WAS GREAT, i wonder what the look on the womans face was like __________________ Signed ~BMP Two classifications of terrorist dead and not dead enough

06-09-2009, 09:27 AM	#6
carver TFF Moderator/Host Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: DAV, Deep in the Pineywoods of East Texas, just west of Shreveport, LA Contributor Posts: 11,280	Re: police humor I suppose you must have a really great sence of humor to do the job they do. Otherwise, you'ld go nuts! __________________ Y'all be safe now, ya hear! Lamentations Chapter 5: 1. Remember, O LORD, what is come upon us: consider, and behold our reproach. 2. Our inheritance is turned to strangers, our houses to aliens. 3. We are orphans and fatherless, our mothers [are] as widows. 5. Our necks [are] under persecution: we labour, [and] have no rest. 16. The crown is fallen [from] our head: woe unto us, that we have sinned! 21. Turn thou us unto thee, O LORD, and we shall be turned; renew our days as of old.

06-08-2009, 06:10 PM	#1
Bobitis Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 6,612	police humor These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.' 15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.' 14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.' 13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.' 12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.' 11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?' 10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?' 9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. ' 8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?' 7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs. 6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.' 5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.' 4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?' 3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.' 2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.' AND THE WINNER IS.... 1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.' __________________ ^.^ A point in every direction is the same as having no point at all -->