Serious Matter at Hand

[ShadowHunt]

Rape, a word known all too well by many young women in our society. Forgive my terminology, but this will remain nameless. What do you say to someone who has confided to one that they have befallen victim to such an act? What do you do to never let it happen again? But how can one ease the suffocating pain? As importantly what do you do to the rapist? A hard time is being grasped that this could happen in one's neighborhood and go un-noticed. Help, thoughts, advice, anything is welcome.....

[Lead Lobber]

Not going to touch this; I hope you are serious, and nobody was actually harmed by your description of stuff.

[Light Coat]

It doesn't sound like you have spoken to law enforcement. If that is what you are getting at trying to avoid; there are generally anonomous programs available through religious or like charities.

Doing to? Legally you get the rapist incarcerated. My opinion on sub-human vermin is not "legal".

[rosierita]

Originally Posted by ShadowHunt

Rape, a word known all too well by many young women in our society. Forgive my terminology, but this will remain nameless. What do you say to someone who has confided to one that they have befallen victim to such an act? What do you do to never let it happen again? But how can one ease the suffocating pain? As importantly what do you do to the rapist? A hard time is being grasped that this could happen in one's neighborhood and go un-noticed. Help, thoughts, advice, anything is welcome.....

get the authorities involved, if at all possible so the person can be prosecuted. (hopefully having evidence in hand)

this person is going to deal w/ long term problems, i'm not sure anyone gets over such a personal violation, but just eventually learns to gain control of their lives again... that can be 1 helluva road to travel.

[ShadowHunt]

But the predicament in this case is that it occurred last year, and the victim wants no one to know. There is no evidence, and through the victims eyes, there is only embarrassment.

What are some of the anonymous organizations?


And LEAD I WOULD NEVER JOKE ON SUCH A MATTER, that you think I may is straight damn ignorant.

[catfish83861]

shadowhunt, Someone already knows! First and foremost the victim knows! Secondly, evidently the victim either was intoxicated and let it slip to you or said victim trusts you enough to advise you of the rape.I notice said same victim waited for approximately 12 months before confiding in you!Doesn't that tell you something??The victim is still remembering/reliving the rape.Rape victims continually tend to blame themselves,something they did or didn't do caused their rape.Its not the rapists fault,I must have done something wrong to cause this! That kind of thinking is just normal and just PLAIN WRONG. Having investigated several rapes while working in a law enforcement capacity I can assure you that you and I can do this:
Lend a supporting shoulder, attempt to be there for them, cry with them. Don't try to understand where they are coming from. I dang well know I have tried numerous times and still have really no clue how they felt and are feeling.Attempt to abide by their wishes. Advise of agencies in your area that provide rape counselors. You can normally find them in the yellow pages or through one of the local churches. Call one of the churches,speak with a Priest/Pastor of your choice and request for rape counselor phone numbers.When He/she asks for the victims name just say Jane Doe.Don't give out the victims real name.Sorry,you probably would not do that anyway.
One of the stigmas that still pervade rape victims is the ordeal that rape victims previously underwent at trial. They were portrayed a tramps out looking for a guy to rape them. Thankfully that is no longer the way it works.Unless it has changed about the only question they can ask now is, has the victim ever had sexual relations with the accused prior to the alleged rape.I only say alleged due to the fact that there hasn't been a conviction YET!! I can almost without one ounce of doubt say that the rapist will not stop at one rape.Rape is not about sex or love, its about power. Right now the rapist is in power.Personally I would like to see that power removed forever. Should you want to you can email me through the PM service here and I will attempt to assist in any way I can.The problem is that I am not a professional counselor,that is what your friend needs.Professional help.Otherwise it will take almost forever for the pain to subside. Ignoring the rape WILL NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY. GET HELP NOW. Again I am not a professional so please go seek professional help. catfish

[ShadowHunt]

Catfish, I abide by everything you have said, I agree on every count. I will by all means get in contact with a professional. God its frustrating when one can only do so much!


A person has been mislead and mistrusted so severly, one is at a loss for words.

I have to ask though, is there anyway to catch the perp still?

[catfish83861]

The simple answer is Yes,The downside is that the victim will be subjected to publicity and looks that will not be always easy to take. Remember that neither you nor I can speak for the victim.That has to come from the victim. You can't even come close to realizing how the victim feels. Shame,Humiliation,Betrayed,Cheated are just a few of the feelings victims have stated to me.
I found one number and a website that you may look into.I can not verify how good they are but I hope they help you and your friend.You will have to cut and paste the address onto your address bar,or you can use your computer to search for rape counseling. I used google. Good Luck and may God bless help you. Bob

http://www.rainn.org/counseling-centers/index.html

[Bruce FLinch]

Yes, get the victim some counseling, asap. Not much else you can do but be supportive. Good Luck

[Pat Hurley]

Originally Posted by ShadowHunt

Rape, a word known all too well by many young women in our society. Forgive my terminology, but this will remain nameless. What do you say to someone who has confided to one that they have befallen victim to such an act? What do you do to never let it happen again? But how can one ease the suffocating pain? As importantly what do you do to the rapist? A hard time is being grasped that this could happen in one's neighborhood and go un-noticed. Help, thoughts, advice, anything is welcome.....

What to do? Here are my answers to the questions you posed above, in the order you posed them...

1. Convince the victim that silence may condem other women to the same, awful fate. Let her know she's not going to be alone in the process; she has and will continue to have support; and by God, make sure she is supported throughout.
2. Get her thoroughly trained in gun safety, handling, and marksmanship. Then get her a gun. Lastly, she could use some karate training as well. If it happens again, she'll be prepared to stop it.
3. The suffocating pain she is feeling is normal. She needs professional help to get on the road to recovery. Get it for her quickly.
4. Call the police immediately and allow an investigation to commence without delay. Comfort and encourage the victim - this will be a tough process full of anguish for her.

You're a good egg for getting involved. Help her follow through and take a sicko off the streets.

[berto64]

#1. Notify the proper authorities

#2. Get the person in touch with a rape crisis center or hotline.

#3. Notify the danged authorities and let them deal with the S.O.B.

The crisis center counselors are trained to handle the situation. (be the victim male or female)

Unless you are trained & qualified to do NOT offer advice, but get this person in touch with those that are trained for it.

Did I repeat myself enough?

Good Luck

[Ursus]

Berto and Catfish offered great counseling here.

[358 winchester]

Shadow, Berto and Catfish offered great counseling here. I will add that they are correct in their advise to you. I however am cut from a different cloth and live by my laws. Please understand me, I am only saying how I would do things andonly if it was my family or a loved one. For me it is simple he did what he had to do and I would do what I had to do. Let the chips fall where they may.
Now do not do as I do do as Berto and Catfish suggest.

[JohnK3]

1. Make sure the victim understands that you do NOT consider her at fault, whatsoever. Repeat that she is loved and valued and that the perpetrator is the ONLY one to bear any blame. Comfort and console.

2. Listen. She has a lot of pain walled up inside. It needs to come out. Let her know you're there to listen.

3. Teach. Teach her self-defense. Not as in "well, you screwed up by not knowing this last time, so let's teach you now" but as in "last time, the rapist caught you unprepared. No fault of yours and he was just lucky. Next time, let's make sure he's not so lucky."

4. I agree with Pat's point: other women will fall prey to this predator. Tell her to use the pain and anger into resolve to make sure he never does it again.

5. Professional help. I'm conflicted on this. I'm becoming less and less trusting of the psychiatric/psychology profession. I think it's being recommended far too often for too many situations. On the other hand, this type of situation cries out for it.

[Lead Lobber]

An administrator pointed out that some of my comments were outside the parameters acceptable here, and I'll have to defer to his judgement, not remembering exactly what I said about an assualt on one of family members here. Reading what was not deleted, I saw that I said I did not read all previous posts before letting my fingers loose. Please accept my humble apology; I think I'll be lurking more and loosing my tongue less in the future when same has been pickled by the devil's brew.

LL

[ShadowHunt]

To let you all know:

1) I have in fact been with the victim often and have told them repeadtly that it was not their fault and that when things get hard I am indeed here for them. My shoulder is always wet and I have no problem with it.

2) To my knowlegde, victim was caught off guard and though trained in martial arts (not certain of which kind) the were unable to fend of the attackers brute strength.

3) I strongly appreciate all comments and suggestions, I must ask that you all trust in me as much as I do and with your support, this Son of a BITCH will be taken off the streets once and for all.

I agree that couseling is indeed a major factor. I become distraught everytime I get the call of the victim sobbing over their shattered life. I WILL GET THE NECCESSARY COUNSELING FOR SAID VICTIM, that is my word, and I want it to stay golden.

---Amen and god help.

[ShadowHunt]

Twist in this, I was trying to get said friend to think about counseling. Problem is that they, dont want to get the rapist in trouble.

Yes, you read right my friend does not want to get the rapist introuble, stupid trust me I know.

Should I still continue my quest to get the rapist? Im so confused!!

[Lead Lobber]

I think your friend has to make that decision, Shadow.

LL

[ShadowHunt]

Yeah they do, but what more can I expect from such a traumatized person...

[Crpdeth]

I like ol' Catfish more and more. Good stuff Bro

All said Ron (358), and I would make a heck of a Judge and Jury on this one...This fella needs some TERRIBLE memories concerning what happens to guys who cross the line...Some things are better off left in the hands of civilians, some are not, but if I were left in charge of how this would be handled, the next time this guy considered hurting a lady he would also be recollecting a very swollen head.

Of course lots of research would be done prior...It hasn't been that long ago that I learned of a split relationship where the lady (said loosely) lied on her counterpart and had him jumped in a parking lot by three men and hospitalized all because he was leaving her...many things to consider here.


Crpdeth--Straddling the fence again

[catfish83861]

Well folks I guess I may be in the minority here, but here goes. I have dealt with more than one rape victim and on more that one occasion have dealt with false claims of rape. Not saying that this case is in any way false. Knowing what I know, I believe that a rape did occur.The problem lies in that for a prosecution to be effected you have to have a complaining witness/victim. At this time there does not seem to be one. Victim Yes.Complaining victim,No. I really hate to say this, but without a victim ( ie, one that will testify) there is no crime. I also will readily admit that if it were my child that was the victim, well I may be in trouble. I just don't know for sure. Who of us can actually say that we would take the life of another without having been there. Mostly we Americans want to believe the best in individuals,we respect our families and our friends. Women here in America are kind of sacred to most of us and for the most part we try to treat them with respect that we honor our mothers with,this is not so with the rapist and pedophiles that we have to deal with in today's society. War sometimes takes our sense of caring and places it in a ,well I guess a hold pattern. We don't stop caring, we just have to take what is dealt us and go with it. This case from what I can gather is such an example. We don't like the hand we were dealt but its the only hand we have. For the victim, I wish them a full recovery,it will not happen but I can pray for it anyway. For the perpetrator, I can say that if vigilante justice was still legal, I personally would be happy to trip the door latch,actually I would rather just be the one to pull the rope over the rail and watch them swing slowly. Shadow you have been dealt a hard hand to work with, my sympathies and heartfelt condolences are with you. You ( now this is just my opinion) do not have a winning hand no matter which way you play it. While in the military I kept harping at my guys to "Trust your instincts". Often times if you think something is wrong it probably is. Help your friend, be there for them,that wet shoulder is a badge of courage and love. Ask any veteran who has been in combat and they will tell you that there is no shame to holding your friend while they cry. Any person that may say, "Well you must be queer to hug a guy." Has never had a friend die in his arms. Shadow, call the 800 number that I gave you and talk to a professional. You do not have to give your name or the victims name. The counselors are trained and very professional. Not like me. I gotta close because I am just running my mouth but good luck and God Bless. catfish

[catfish83861]

Originally Posted by Lead Lobber

An administrator pointed out that some of my comments were outside the parameters acceptable here, and I'll have to defer to his judgement, not remembering exactly what I said about an assualt on one of family members here. Reading what was not deleted, I saw that I said I did not read all previous posts before letting my fingers loose. Please accept my humble apology; I think I'll be lurking more and loosing my tongue less in the future when same has been pickled by the devil's brew.

LL

Hey LL, I sure am glad that I never engaged my mouth before engaging my brain . Your a Damn good man for coming right out and saying "Hey I said something that I should not have said, I apologize." Why don't you run for office. We need honest people there. Now of course you and the others here on TFF are why I like this forum. catfish