Re: Penguin takes his car to the shop...
Brings to mind a song by comedian Kip Adotta, one that I liked so much I went out and bought the vinyl for it. Still own the vinyl, too!
It was April the forty-first
Being a quadruple leapyear
I was driving in downtown Atlantis
My Barracuda was in the shop
So I was in a rented Stingray
And it was over-heating
So I pulled into a Shell station
They said I'd blown a seal
I said, "Fix the damn thing
And leave my private life out of it, okay pal"
While they were doing that
I walked over to a place called The Oyster Bar
A real dive
But I knew the owner
He used to play for the Dolphins
I said "Hi Gil"
You hafta yell, he's hard of herring
Think I had a wet dream
Cruisin' through the Gulf Stream
Gil was also down on his luck, fact is
He was barely keeping his head below water
I gullied up to the sandbar
He poured the usual
Rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken not stirred
With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side
Heavy on the mako
I slipped him a fin, on porpoise
I was feeling good
I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids
For the halibut
Well the place was crowded
We were packed in like sardines
They were all there to listen to the
Big band sound of Tommy Dorsal
Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna
"Salmon Chanted Evening"
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers
Probably there to see the bass player
One of them was this cute little yellowtail
And she's giving me the eye
So I figure, this is my chance for a little fun
You know, a piece of Pisces
But she said things I just couldn't fathom
She was too deep
And seemed to be under a lot of pressure
Boy could she drink
She drank like a... she drank a lot
I said, "What's your sign"
She said, "Aquarium"
I said "Great, let's get tanked"
I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait
I said "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows"
She threw me that same old line
"Not tonight, I got a haddock"
And she wasn't kiddin' either
'Cause in came the biggest, meanest-looking Haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike
He was covered with mussels
He came over to me, he said "Listen shrimp
Don't you come trolling around here"
What a crab
This guy was steamed
I could see the anchor in his eyes
I turned to him, I said "Abalone
You're just being shellfish"
Well I knew it was going to be trouble and so did Gil
'Cause he was already on the phone to the cods
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch
I catch him with a left hook
He eels over
It was a fluke but there he was
Lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel
I said "Forget the cods Gil
This guy's gonna need a sturgeon"
Well the yellowtail was impressed
With the way I landed her boyfriend
She came over to me, she said
"Hey big boy, you're really a game fish
What's your name"
I said, "Marlin"
Well from then on we had a whale of a time
I took her to dinner
I took her to dance
I bought her a bouquet of flounders
And then I went home with her
And what did I get for my trouble
A case of the clams (*)
(CHORUS TO FADE)