A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury.
"Why is the injury not covered"? he asked.
"You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing condition."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. And for years and years they lived there, one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."
So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life. I wish I was home", and *POOF* she is gone.
The redhead makes her wish, "This place stinks, I wish I was home with my family also", and *POOF* she is gone.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie says to her, "My dear what is the matter?"
The blonde replies, "I wish my friends were here."
Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends. The first said, "He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats."
"Impressive," said the second young thing.
"Well... yes." the first agreed. "But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to scr*w like a rabbit."
Two old women lived way out in the country, only going into town on Sundays for church. One Sunday, there was a strange pastor, a very handsome man, in the pulpit, preaching away quite merrily. One of the women, quite deaf, had to turn her hearing aid up fully. As the old women were returning home, the pros and cons of the new pastor was their main subject of conversation.
"I thought he was lovely," said one.
"He was, rather, wasn't he?" said the other.
"He was very loud, wasn't he?"
"Eh?" said the other, "What cloud?"
"I said he was very loud."
"I said, he was very loud," shouted the other. "Bawls like a bull."
"Has he?" said the first. "I never noticed. The pulpit was in the way."
Where O where are you tonight? Why have you gone and left me alone? I searched to world over and a thought i found true love... You met another and PTThhh you were gone....