Two Navy Chiefs are getting ****-faced at the Club when suddenly one of 'em throws up all over himself. "Damn, now my wife will kill me!"
The other chief says, "Don't worry. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars to have it dry-cleaned."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually they stumble out and go home and this chief's wife starts to chew his ass out.
"You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!"
Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, the chief says, "Now way a mint, I can splain everthin. Ish snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thish damn Marine ga ssick on me. He had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said hes was verrry sorry an' gave me twennie bucks for the cleaning bill!
His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks.'
Oh, yeah I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too