how long does it take .....

[wv hillbilly]

to get over the loss of a loved one?
dad died in 87and i miss him. but i really miss my mother. she died dec. 19th last year. there is hardly a day goes by that i dont think about her and cry because i miss her so much.
my wife knows there is something bothering me, but i just cant tell her what is on my mind
i just needed to tell someone
thanks

[JLA]

You should tell your wife. She will understand.

I believe you never really get over the loss of a truly loved one. it gets easier with time but youll always miss them and it will get to you occasionally. Just remember that when it does get the best of you, just let it out. And dont be afraid to discuss it with those closest to you. It really helps you get thru it.

[jack404]

talk it out mate ,

it may feel uncomfortable at the time but it'll lift the hassle you feel now

and missing folks , grandfather died 30+ years now and still miss the old coot
best mate 2002 , 10 years this year, still not good with it all eh ..

I talk to God a lot about them , and to them in my own way too

there never really gone whist they live inside you eh ..

cheers to you and yours

[76Highboy]

Hillbilly, your awesome so I hope this helps.

Think of it this way, if your loved one's could look down and see you they would be saddened to see you mourning their loss, but they would be joyful to see your tears of happiness for the memories you will have forever. However they don't see us (in my belief) so now we need a way to deal with the loss.

Take this situation and be responsive as opposed to reactive. Go ahead and cry because you need to get that out. But, stop and take the time to put on paper the great memories that you have of them and then you can look back and see how they impacted your life. Then, take it and run. Then just like Josh said, tell your wife. She is your best friend and it would do both of you good to work it out together. The next thing you know time will be passing in a positive manner and you will see it this loss in the proper light. I know, my mom left way too early.

Remember, be responsive, not reactive.

Hope that helps.

[GLS_1956]

You'll always miss them. Go to your wife with your pain, just as you'd want her to come to with her pain.

[Rocketman1]

You need to talk to your wife about it Hillbilly. Your wife is your soul mate, and you can't keep what’s bothering you from her. I know it can be especially hard, since you have lost both of your parents. When you lost your dad you still had your mom, and now that she is gone, you lost the two most important people in your life besides your wife. Your wife is there to help you through the bad times as well as the good, and you are there for her.

[stumpjumper]

takes what it takes. dad passed in 88, mom end of last month. miss both of them dearly, sucks not to able to pick up the phone and say hi.

[hunter29180]

My Dad passed back in 76..still think of him..he taught me many lessons I then taught my kids. when I taught them I told them of their grandfather and how he taught me what I was teaching them. I recently heard my grandson tell my wife about something his dad taught him and how he (his dad) had learned it from his granddad who he had never met. He asked my wife if she could fix it so his Dad could meet his grandad so he could learn some more stuff.."Cause he really knew some cool stuff!"

I felt that My DAD was just smiling up a storm listening to his great grandson telling my wife about that!

though our LOVED ones are no longer physically with us..they live on in our hearts and minds..I believe we remember them every time they think of us. the closer we were to them the more often we think of each other.

[gun runner]

It hurts, I never met either of my grandpas because the last one( my dad's father) died when I was 12 days old. I still think about them from photos and it is sad. Alot of times a person stays closer to their mother rather than father but not me. I love my whole family equal.

[JohnHenry]

.... and that, my friend, is what immortality really is !
You live in the memory of these later generations !

[cycloneman]

I dont know how to answer this. Some i hardly think about. But one in particular i think about allmost every day, 32 years now and counting.

YOu aint the only one. Know that and find a way to carry on.

[Zane71464]

As said above in posts, I agree that your wife is your soul mate and she will understand.
I've always had this strange thought, that I'd rather go before my loved ones.
Some I dont think about alot, others...not a day goes by I dont think about or be reminded in one way or another of them.

But I also think about the Bible and as it is said, dieing is a part of life and that one
day, we'll all be reunited...sorta a comfortable thought.

[ryan42]

I dont know what to say that hasnt been said.Im sure it has to be hard.Im only 43 so I havent had many close relatives pass but Im sure going through a hard time as you know and my wife still lives.I cant imagine what your going through.Im sorry for you loss and I will pray for you to find a way cope with your loss.But you go ahead and feel free to talk to us anytime you want ole buddy.

[WHSmithIV]

All my grandparents are gone, my mom didn't even live as long as I have - she died when she was 49. Never got to see her grandson. My dad is still alive - half the planet away.

You never really 'get over it', but the old saying that time heals all wounds is partly true. No matter how long you live, you will never forget them and you will miss them. What you learn over time is how to live with missing them. Honor them by being the best person you can be. Most of all, don't let the loss eat you up. Look at the family you still have and appreciate them all that much more. Believe me, that will help a great deal to help the healing process.

[Nighthawk]

I don't think you ever get completely over them, but you do get to were the
memory of them is not so depressing. It's part of life and how you handle it
is what defines you. When my daughter died, I thought I would not make it.
Doctor gave me some pills and they killed all feeling. Stopped them and worked though it, glad I did it that way, better than pills. Wanted to go outside and just scream, but figured men in white coats would show up.
I understand why in Bible it tells of them tearing their clothing and crying.
I went though bad times, daughter 2006, daddy 2007 and mother 2008.
This and some other forums got me through it Just reading TFF's posts and
others helped greatly.
Now thinking about them doesn't hurt as bad and I can even talk about them.

THANKS TFF

[cpttango30]

I have a hard enough time losing a pet. I don't know what I am going to do when the day comes that my dad or mom or my stepmom or stepdad pass. I worry all the time with my dad he had a bout of colon cancer and whopped its ares but he is 75 years old now.

I gotta stop or I am going to be a blubbering baby at work.

[Appliancedude]

To answer your question. NEVER. I still miss my dog I had as a kid.

Now go talk to your wife. Please don't take this as a criticism. Because it applies to me as well. But I find it ironic that we can talk to complete strangers about our problems but not our spouses. I had no problem telling some people about my suicidal thoughts. My wife. Nope couldn't tell her. I finally did after I fixed the problem. My wife and I both were suffering from depression. I could see hers and feel mine. I knew something had to change. I admitted to her later what I had felt. I was wrong to. I hurt her by not talking to her.I should have admitted it during. She is your partner. When you took your vows God made you as one. She is your other half.

I know its tough to let your wife see you vulnerable. Believe me I know. Thats why I couldn't tell her. But it will actually bring you closer. You have feelings. And not to sound like a flaming liberal, you need to express them. And the best person to express them to is your wife.

Now, get off the damned computer and go talk to her.

[rogertc1]

Agree with all. One never gets over the loss of parents or a dog for that matter. Remember the good times. I still dream about them all.

[Insulation Tim]

I have gotten over the loss of grandparents, parents, cousins and friends.

I have NEVER lost their memories ever and still think fondly of my Grandfather who died close to 50 years ago. That goes along with the rest I have grieved over.

[targetacqmgt]

My younger brother passed just about one year ago. Yes it gets easier with time BUT I miss him alot. Both of us were veterans. He put in 30 some years in a naval shipyard. He was not well educated but a genious with metals. I was very proud of him, though I do not think I told him often enough. My VA doc says with each passing holiday and the annual date of his b-day it gets easier. We will see.

[gvw3]

My mom died in 73. My dad in 93. It would be sad if you ever got over it. You never want to forget where you came from. The pain will lighten with time.

[Zane71464]

One thing hard for me to get over, was the loss of my Dad. He had a tractor accident as it crushed him but didnt kill him right off. I was there and tried to keep him conscious till the EMS got there.
What do you say when you know someone is dieing in your arms but cant do a dang thing about it, other than comfort them. It bothers me to this day, that my words was the last thing he heard here on this earth. He died the last day of 2007. Had a very hard time dealing with that.

[WHSmithIV]

Zane - I know how hard that must hurt, but, as a father I can tell you that if I'm dying then there would be nothing better than to die in the arms of my loving son. You'r Dad must have been very proud of you.

Nighthawk. I can well understand your wanting to go outside and scream. There is nothing worse than losing your child. My daughter was kidnapped when she was 8. It took me 22 years to find her and all that time I never knew for certain if she was dead or alive. I was lucky - she is still alive. 22 years of missed time though, that will never come back. My Mom loved her granddaughter so much and when she passed away she didn't know where her granddaughter was. I kind of figure that maybe my Mom watched over her all those years until I found her.

[jedwil]

I lost the physical presence of my parents some time ago, but they have been with me spiritually. They are always here and comforting me. Hope you find the same peace.

[sting75ray]

This Dec will be 2 years since I lost my Dad and my best friend. I worked side by side with Dad for several years in the oilfield and it hits me hard everyday.