Your Church is a Piney Church if... - TheFirearmsForum

Gunfyter · 08-13-2004, 07:19 AM

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if...
"Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

Marlin · 08-13-2004, 08:33 AM

More truth than fiction in that one, GF!!

SouthernMoss · 08-13-2004, 10:48 AM

Hey! I've been to that church!

Gunfyter · 08-13-2004, 11:02 AM

Yep, from the days of The Rowan and Martin Laughin, Da Reverend Leroy and Da Church of What's happenin' Now.

armedandsafe · 08-13-2004, 12:23 PM

See ya' there.

Pops

SouthernMoss · 08-13-2004, 02:40 PM

The little church Marlin and I attend shares our pastor with another little church way out in the country. Most of the members out there are farmers. Their service is at 9:30am, and often the men will come to church straight from the fields, muddy boots and all, with pistols on their hips (for the snakes, etc they come across in the fields). Kinda gives visitors a jolt if they're not expecting it.

ibtrukn · 08-13-2004, 06:22 PM

"Da church a wots happenin now" heheheheh, GF U B older'n dirt

YO they finally leevs da smilies alone?? IB wins anudder1

08-13-2004, 07:19 AM	#1
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	Your Church is a Piney Church if... You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". You Know Your Church Is A Piney Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too. __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work -->

08-13-2004, 10:48 AM	#3
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Your Church is a Piney Church if... Hey! I've been to that church! __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

08-13-2004, 11:02 AM	#4
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	Re: Your Church is a Piney Church if... Yep, from the days of The Rowan and Martin Laughin, Da Reverend Leroy and Da Church of What's happenin' Now. __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work

08-13-2004, 12:23 PM	#5
armedandsafe Former Guest Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Moses Lake, WA Posts: 10,344	Re: Your Church is a Piney Church if... See ya' there. Pops

08-13-2004, 02:40 PM	#6
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Your Church is a Piney Church if... The little church Marlin and I attend shares our pastor with another little church way out in the country. Most of the members out there are farmers. Their service is at 9:30am, and often the men will come to church straight from the fields, muddy boots and all, with pistols on their hips (for the snakes, etc they come across in the fields). Kinda gives visitors a jolt if they're not expecting it. __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

08-13-2004, 08:33 AM	#2
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Re: Your Church is a Piney Church if... More truth than fiction in that one, GF!! Attached Images __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

08-13-2004, 06:22 PM	#7
ibtrukn Advanced Senior Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: central N.J. Posts: 4,335	Re: Your Church is a Piney Church if... "Da church a wots happenin now" heheheheh, GF U B older'n dirt YO they finally leevs da smilies alone?? IB wins anudder1