Redneck Church - The Firearms Forum

Marlin · 10-13-2004, 11:44 AM

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of
the members knows how to play one.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn
that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and
what bait was used to catch 'em

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd
like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women
stand up.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the
"OK Chorale".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. in a congregation of 500
members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as
"branding".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the organ set
the dogs on the floor to howling.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is
what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2
galvanized washtub.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are
really hub caps from a '56 Chevy

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are
called to service by a duck call.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife
drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet"
applies to hunting dogs, too.

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"

pickenup · 10-13-2004, 01:19 PM

1952Sniper · 10-13-2004, 02:43 PM

That fourth one definitely applies to churches in my town.

SouthernMoss · 10-13-2004, 03:14 PM

Quote:

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

Heck, I was baptised in the preacher's cow pond.

(and yes, I'm serious!)

10-13-2004, 11:44 AM	#1
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Redneck Church You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!) You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.. in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as "branding". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear" __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.* -->

10-13-2004, 02:43 PM	#3
1952Sniper Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 5,138	Re: Redneck Church That fourth one definitely applies to churches in my town.

10-13-2004, 01:19 PM	#2
pickenup Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Colorado Rocky Mountains Posts: 6,838	Re: Redneck Church __________________ The gene pool needs chlorine