Rules of CAT PHYSICS - The Firearms Forum

Marlin · 10-16-2004, 11:59 AM

The Institute of Theoretical and Applied Feline Physics has identified the following immutable laws of Physics as apply to Cats:

Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the sound of a can opening.

Law of Cat Magnetism: All black, blue, and dark brown clothing, especially sweaters, attracts cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Extension: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable as possible for the people and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance to obedience is in inverse proportion to a human's desire for it to do something.

Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Elongation: A cat will elongate its body sufficiently to reach any countertop or furniture that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Selective Listening: Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened at a distance of half a mile, it cannot hear a simple command three feet away.

Law of Equidistant Separation: All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

Law of Rug Configuration: No rug in proximity to a cat may remain in a flat state.

Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek and occupy the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Feline Space-Time: Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.

Law of Concentration of Mass: A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap it occupies.

Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Cat Obedience: As yet undiscovered.

SouthernMoss · 10-16-2004, 12:26 PM

Yep!!

Pistolsmith · 10-16-2004, 02:18 PM

Sounds just like Jerry.

Gunfyter · 10-18-2004, 11:01 AM

Hmm, me thinks these are the laws as they pertain to "Bob".

10-16-2004, 11:59 AM	#1
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,853	Rules of CAT PHYSICS The Institute of Theoretical and Applied Feline Physics has identified the following immutable laws of Physics as apply to Cats: Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the sound of a can opening. Law of Cat Magnetism: All black, blue, and dark brown clothing, especially sweaters, attracts cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Extension: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable as possible for the people and as comfortable as possible for the cat. Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance to obedience is in inverse proportion to a human's desire for it to do something. Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Elongation: A cat will elongate its body sufficiently to reach any countertop or furniture that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant speed, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Selective Listening: Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened at a distance of half a mile, it cannot hear a simple command three feet away. Law of Equidistant Separation: All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room. Law of Rug Configuration: No rug in proximity to a cat may remain in a flat state. Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek and occupy the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Feline Space-Time: Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space. Law of Concentration of Mass: A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap it occupies. Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Cat Obedience: As yet undiscovered. __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.* -->

10-16-2004, 12:26 PM	#2
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Rules of CAT PHYSICS Yep!! __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

10-16-2004, 02:18 PM	#3
Pistolsmith V.I.P. Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 185	Re: Rules of CAT PHYSICS Sounds just like Jerry. __________________ A man who does not learn the lessons of history is condemned to repeat the mistakes of the past. George Santana

10-18-2004, 11:01 AM	#4
Gunfyter Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,956	Re: Rules of CAT PHYSICS Hmm, me thinks these are the laws as they pertain to "Bob". __________________ Anything worth shooting once, is worth shooting again. If it ain't broke, break it. Someone needs the work