Military jokes

Rons Toys
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Posts: 61
(6/30/01 8:06:32 am)
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A platoon sergeant, a corporal, and a private were
walking down a trail one morning.

The PSG noticed a beat-up, crappy looking lamp
sitting in the brush. He picked it up and used his
sleeve to rub some of the grime off, and as he was
doing so a genie exited the lamp with a purpose.

"OK," said the genie, " since I usually only grant
three wishes, I will give each of you just one."

He turned to the PVT. "What do you want the most?"

The PVT was quick. "I want to be in Cancun with a
beautiful woman who sunbathes topless."

The genie snaps his fingers and the PVT is gone. He
then asks the CPL, "What do you want the most?"

The CPL answers, "I want to be in Miami jet skiing
with a beautiful woman on one arm and a Pina
Colada in my hand."

The genie snaps his fingers and the CPL
disappears. He then turns to the PSG and asks him,
"What do you want the most?"

The PSG said, "I want those guys back in the
motorpool after lunch."

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There was a Navy vessle sailing across the Pacific,
when two killer whales saw the ship.
The male whale recognized the ship as being the
one who killed his father, so he said to the female,
"let's go over there and blow water out of our blow
holes and flip the ship over.
The female agrees, and the swim over and blow
water out of their blow holes until the ship flips over.

As they were swimming away, the male whale hears
sailors talking and yelling "over here."
The male whale was really upset. He asked the
female whale to go over there with him and eat those
surviving sailors.
The female looked at the male whale and said very
bluntly.
"Listen, I went along with the blow job, but I am not
about to swallow any Seaman!!!"

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Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at
AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and as
such was always trying to impress his company
commander and the other officers in the Command.
Daily he was seen jumping all over his officer
candidates and yelling at them as he supposedly
developed them into future Naval Officers. We were
lined up behind his company awaiting our turn to go
into the mess hall for lunch.
We all listened as Sargeant Williams yelled at his
company, " you will eat in a military fashion, enjoy
this delicious meal and fall by in formation at 1215,
do you worms understand me?"
"Yes drill sargeant."
"There are only three rules in this galley, shut up, eat
up and get up, do you pukes understand me?"
"Yes drill sargeant."
"Then proceed. Company forward march."
When they got inside, they were surprised to see
several Miss Florida contestants getting a tour of
the mess hall. Not one to let an opportunity slip by
the drill sargeant yelled at the top of his lungs, "
bravo company
what is the first rule of the mess hall?"
To his chagrin, his company all yelled out in unison,
"shut up drill sargeant!"

*************************

There were six Ensigns taking a trip one weekend
on a train. As they stood on the platform they
noticed a Chief and six junior Petty Officers talking.
Their dilemma was that they only had one ticket
among them. Enthralled, one of the Ensigns called
this to the attention of the others and they watched
as the Chief and the Petty Officers discussed their
dilemma. They wanted to see how the "always
ingenious enlisted personnel, especially a Chief
Petty Officer was going to all get onto the train with
only one ticket.

When the train began boarding they all took seats
and stowed their luggage in the overhead bin. After
the train got underway, the conductor began making
his way through the car asking for tickets. The Chief
and all of the Petty Officers got up and went down
the aisle and crowded into the men's bathroom. As
the conductor finished the car he noticed the
occupied sign on the bathroom door and knocked
and said, " ticket please." They slid the single ticket
under the door, the conductor punched it and slip it
back saying, "thank you," as he departed.

The Ensigns laughed as they saw the Chief and
Petty Officers return to their seats. They decided to
do the same thing when they got back onto the train
for their return trip.

That night waiting on the platform for the last train,
the Ensigns saw the Chief and Petty Officers. They
listened to their newest dilemma. They had spent all
their money and didn't have enough money to buy
even one ticket. The Ensigns quietly snickered as
the poor Chief and Petty Officers tried to decide
what to do. When the train arrived they all boarded,
but the Ensigns quickly stored their gear and went
straight to the men's bathroom and locked the door.

A few minutes later the train started and the
conductor appeared at the front of the cabin
punching tickets. The Petty Officers quietly got up
and went to the men's bathroom and knocked on the
door. "Ticket please," the Chief said. The Ensigns
slid the ticket under the door. The Chief took it and
he and the Petty Officers crammed into the ladies
bathroom to await the conductor. "The Occifers
were discovered and even though they had the
money to buy tickets were thrown off the train. It
must be hell bein so smart and bein an occifer."


106RR196LIB
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 172
(7/1/01 1:34:48 am)
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What did the smartest officer in the Army War College say to the two others.
NYUK NYUK NYUK