Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day - The Firearms Forum

Bruce FLinch · 03-19-2006, 08:51 PM

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years,

but he will kill any man who does.

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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks

he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among

themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

---------------------------

An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an

Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"

"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?

Answer - So the English can understand them.

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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and

announced, "Not guilty."

"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"

Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the

vase on the mantlepiece?"

"No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time."

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Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?

A. A bachelor.

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Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in

the morning. I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.

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"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your

wife's appearance?"

"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their

honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

---------------------

My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex

life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and

highlights of theirs?

inplanotx · 03-20-2006, 08:46 AM

Marlin · 03-20-2006, 09:49 AM

May ye be in Heaven an hour 'fore the devil knows you're DEAD!!!!!

SouthernMoss · 03-20-2006, 01:05 PM

Well, since you started it, I'll have to add my annual groaner:

What's Irish and sits on your deck?

Patty O'Furniture!

firebird · 03-20-2006, 07:19 PM

LMAO...those are hilarious Bruce! Especially cuz I'm part Irish!

03-19-2006, 08:51 PM	#1
Bruce FLinch Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point Posts: 5,016	Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does. --------------------------- Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. --------------------------- The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent. --------------------------- An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?" "Who told you that?" asked Paddy. ----------------------- Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can understand them. ----------------------- Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?" ----------------------- Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room." ----------------------- Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantlepiece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time." ----------------------- Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor. ----------------------- Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home. ----------------------- "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!" ----------------------- Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive? --------------------- My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? __________________ A bad day @ the Range, is better than a good day @ work. -->

03-20-2006, 08:46 AM	#2
inplanotx Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 8,897	Re: Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day __________________

03-20-2006, 09:49 AM	#3
Marlin TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: At SouthernMoss' side forever! Contributor Posts: 13,854	Re: Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day May ye be in Heaven an hour 'fore the devil knows you're DEAD!!!!! Attached Images __________________ *The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing.* *The only criminal class native to the United States is Congress.*

03-20-2006, 01:05 PM	#4
SouthernMoss Admin Tech Staff Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: SW MS Contributor Posts: 10,651	Re: Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day Well, since you started it, I'll have to add my annual groaner: What's Irish and sits on your deck? Patty O'Furniture! __________________ My Second protects your First "I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B Anthony

03-20-2006, 07:19 PM	#5
firebird Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: In the recesses of my little mind... Posts: 1,233	Re: Irish jokes. A late Happy St Patricks Day LMAO...those are hilarious Bruce! Especially cuz I'm part Irish! __________________ ***************************** “Let them call me a rebel, and welcome; I feel no concern from it. For I should suffer the misery of devils, were I to make a whore of my soul.” ~Thomas Paine "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~Aristotle "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." ~Confucius Alis volat propiis ~ She flies with her own wings Rara avis