COMPUTER WARNINGS......

[rooter]

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue
on envelopes
because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to
die in the hospital for the 1,387,258 th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft
and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's
novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an email to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so
a serial killer won't crawl in my
back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to
put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in
my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with
calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat t
o cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can
live a better life now because he's told
us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was
placed there by a sexmolester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain
gas companies!

AND LASTLY ... If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from
12 camels will infest your back, causing
you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's best friend's
sister...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh! Almost forgot: A South American scientist from Argentina , after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[SouthernMoss]

[pickenup]

Your welcome.

[AL MOUNT]

Wunder how they get them rats to eat all that peppermint

so their poop will taste better.......

[Marlin]

[ironsight65]

Great! I hate chain letter e-mails.