i'm kinda freakin out over here...

[rosierita]

someone talk me down please! heart attack thisclose to happening...

okay, so here's the deal... ashley is almost 17 (april 12) & you know she's homeschooled. she's very mature for her age, minus the wisdom that comes w/ time. she's graduating this coming april & she's already volunteering at a vet's office which plans to hire her when she's 17 (& training her to become a vet tech, what she's always wanted to do!! ) she's also taking a photography course at MTC to get a certificate in photography (starting jan 3) & she's thinking about going to a dog grooming school. (she's planning ahead for her future of when she has kids, she wants to be able to be self-employeed so she can raise her babies at home. overall, she's a well thought out young lady.) troy & i said when she was 16, we'd allow her to date & fortunately that hasnt happened yet. yet may be just a few days away tho. our new farrier (we've not used him quite a yr yet) is a 19 yr old guy, who seems really nice... from the beginning he was making comments, not out of the way comments, just kinda being silly ( ) towards ashley... we've seen him off & on since he started trimming our horses & shortly after he 1st met her, he acted like he'd never met her. the times i've talked to him about trimming the horses, ashley & this guy talk to each other THRU ME! well, he ended up getting her cell phone # when we tried to line up his getting our filly & he started text messaging her the day after christmas. they are both throwing hints around about dating. i'm freakin out over here!

overall, i wouldnt be opposed to him taking her out. the age does bother me a little, but my daughter will NOT hang out w/ people her age. she has no social life & it's of her own choosing.... when she goes to youth group at church, she hangs out w/ the parents. my baby has never dated before (again, her choice) & i know this guy has had at least 1 long term relationship..... i kinda had a feeling this day would come, so i've already put it in his head about the "interview process". we're having a small get together tomorrow night (mostly family) & he's been invited.... i think in a way that he'll chicken out bc the only way they talk is thru text messaging....

a couple big bonuses about this guy, he already has his own gun collection!! & before i got my own copy of tombstone (for my bday ), he offered to lend me his.

i'm a nervous wreck. he'd just better not be a player....

[Bruce FLinch]

YIKES! Gonna be there, gonna have to do that, in a couple years..
Call the bluff, just come out & ask him what his intentions are. If he is a good guy, he will give you a straight up ( if not somewhat embarrassed ) reply. Good Luck!
PS. Sounds like a pretty good guy, on the surface. What is your gut feeling, aside from this being your first-born?

[durk]

Boys will come and go, hearts will get broken. Make sure the right thing is done in all cases and you just have to let kids grow up. Always be nearby and looking over her shoulder without her knowing. It may sound bad but there is no privacy in my house when it comes to the teenager.

[rosierita]

Originally Posted by Bruce FLinch

YIKES! Gonna be there, gonna have to do that, in a couple years..
Call the bluff, just come out & ask him what his intentions are. If he is a good guy, he will give you a straight up ( if not somewhat embarrassed ) reply. Good Luck!
PS. Sounds like a pretty good guy, on the surface. What is your gut feeling, aside from this being your first-born?

my gut feeling is..... that i really like him! he appears to be a hard worker. he became a certified farrier at the age of 15 & has been making his own $$ since. i think that's a good sign! (he's also in college.)

i am SOOOOOO tempted to call him up & tell him to ask her out already. she has so far told me everything about their convos... (down to letting me read them. )

i have had a few opportunities to tell him what i expect for any guy that dates my baby, so he knows where i stand. i DO like the fact that he talks to me & troy. that makes me feel pretty good about him.

i'm just freakin out bc i cannot believe that she may possibly have a date w/ this guy, a guy that i think would be good to her & if he's good to her, who knows?! ya know?!

i was married at 17... so, yeah ~ that's going thru my mind.

[rosierita]

Originally Posted by durk

Boys will come and go, hearts will get broken. Make sure the right thing is done in all cases and you just have to let kids grow up. Always be nearby and looking over her shoulder without her knowing. It may sound bad but there is no privacy in my house when it comes to the teenager.

fortunately ashley is very forthcoming w/ the info so far...

if he breaks her heart tho, i dunno what i'd do....

[Crpdeth]

I dread this day Rosie, but I know (as you did) that it's coming.

My first true love was 4 years older than me, (I never hung out with kids my own age either, even now my friends are 15 years older than I am) I was just turning 18, she was 22, had her own place ect, my dad didn't like it a bit, he tried to tell me in a nice way, then in not so nice ways that she had "a past"...

He really wanted me to date someone "better" someone "different" hopefully someone who had not already been married once...Maybe someone without bleach blonde hair and skin tight mini skirts. LOL!

The thing is, I was in love, there was NO way that anything "negetave" he had to say about our relationship was going to be accepted in the light that he hoped for, all it did was make me resent him. And in the end, of course...He was right on target.

Heres what I know about Ashley, she is way to mature to make mistakes that kids "less grounded" are prone to make...Would I have mature talks with her anyway? Hell yeah, thats what we are supposed to do, but I would definately (at this age) start letting her have a little freedom in this area (as you are)...In the end, we as parents can only raise them as best we know how and hope for the best.

Keep us updated, I know a few of us here wouldn't be opposed to sneaking up that way and snatching a knot on his head if need be.

Crpdeth

[rosierita]

crp ~ you DO know i WILL take you up on that!

i dont think ashley will do things as i did. for a while there, i gave up on my principles, i think she'll stick w/ hers! i talk openly w/ my kids, always have.. mattison is NOT too young to start giving her those lessons early... tidbits at a time of course.

ashley has always said she wanted to graduate from HS before she ever had her 1st date.... i think that is going to change a little. (but, she DOES graduate this spring & at the rate these 2 are going, who knows?! )

this is driving me crazy! i'm happy for her, i've always loved to watch the different stages of my kids growing up... but at the same time i'm ready to beat this guy up before he ever has a chance to take her out. (just in case, ya know?!)

i feel crazy!

[SouthernMoss]

Rosie, I'm going through almost exactly the same thing right now. My daughter almost never dated in high school, by her own choice. When I would try to ask her about it, she would say all the boys at her school were just too immature.

So she goes off to college this past August. She hadn't even been there 24 hours when she met a boy that she really liked. They're still dating, and seem to be fairly serious about each other. Add to that the fact that they are 2.5 hours away, so all I can do is trust them to do the right thing. Fortunately, my daughter is a lot like Ashley, very mature for her age, and very level-headed. And I've met her young man and spent time with him several times, and I'm impressed with her choice. But I still worry that one day he will break her heart.

In the end, all you can do is let them go, and be there for them when they need you.

[pickenup]

What happened to that little girl that used to sit on your lap?
She is growing up.
My how time flies.

[armedandsafe]

When my (only) daughter was 16-17, I ruined my relationship with her big time by having a shotgun AND a rifle out when she brought her first serious boyfriend over. She expected my to have a pistol on my hip because I always did. However having the other guns out was just a little toooooo much. After all, the (first serious) boyfriend was supposed to spend time with HER. NOT with me, talking guns and ammo and hunting and... all night.

Pops

[rosierita]

Originally Posted by SouthernMoss

Rosie, I'm going through almost exactly the same thing right now. My daughter almost never dated in high school, by her own choice. When I would try to ask her about it, she would say all the boys at her school were just too immature.

So she goes off to college this past August. She hadn't even been there 24 hours when she met a boy that she really liked. They're still dating, and seem to be fairly serious about each other. Add to that the fact that they are 2.5 hours away, so all I can do is trust them to do the right thing. Fortunately, my daughter is a lot like Ashley, very mature for her age, and very level-headed. And I've met her young man and spent time with him several times, and I'm impressed with her choice. But I still worry that one day he will break her heart.

In the end, all you can do is let them go, and be there for them when they need you.

oh man! i'm freaking out for you somo!

time really is flying by ya'll....

pops ~ ashley might not like it to be like that, but that's what i'm kinda hoping for.

[glocknut]

Rosie

This is the way i see it. You're freaking out over nothing. I have a friend who is 46. Him and his wife homeschooled their kids and were avid churchgoers. When their oldest daughter "melody" turned 19 her first date...if you'd call it that... was with a 35 year old married man with 4 kids. I said date....actually hotel stays are not exactly what I'd call dates, but hey....this is a moderated forum soooo...
He was giving her all kinds of expensive jewelery and such.... Had her schnookered good.
I guess she caught him cheating and she moved on to....EVERYONE ELSE...and is now a regular **** Monkey.

Sooo, like i say...it could be much much worse.

mike
gn

[Pat Hurley]

Instead of fretting, and over complicating the simple, do what my high school sweetheart's father did to me the first night I took her on a date.

He sat me in his living room and started out by shaking my hand with a grip so tight I could hear my knuckles crunching. Then, he jumped right into it without any idle chit chat...

"You planning on having sex with my daughter? Because if you are, I'd like to warn you of the consequences for just trying. First, I'm going to break your arm. Then, I'm gonna drag you behind my car for three blocks. Lastly, I'm going to insure that you are incapable of any future ability to procreate. So, where are you two going tonight?"

It had a powerful affect on me. I feared even shaking her hand because it could be misinterpreted. I saw her at my 20 year high school reunion and I think she's a virgin even to this very day.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Pat Hurley

[southernshooter]

All I can say is sometimes you just gotta trust your kids on how you raised them
Just my .02

[stash247]

Rosarita, you have spent a tolerable, but lengthy, amount of time raising this young lady, in a fashion you deem acceptable.
She has set personal goals, and standards, that you not only agree with, but admire, as I read it.
Your farrier is also a fine young man, by your description, and the fact that he is working and growing a business of his own, at 19 years of age!
Let's dream, for a moment, of the best and worst cases. She decides he's not 'the one': no problem, crisis will pick up, again, later.
She decides he's "the one"; now you have a son in law that you already admire, and respect, for his effort, and drive, and the prospect of grandkids!
I raised two girls, of which I am terribly proud, but fought the same emotions you are battling, at that age.
I had a heck of a time realizing, and then acknowledging, the fact that they were grown women, capable of running, or ruining, their own lives, but that was the fact of the matter; they were, and are.
By all I see, you have a daughter with a good head on her shoulders, and good rules in her book, by which to make the right decisions; let her do so, and congratulate her on her good choices!
It's not easy, I know, but necessary; my youngest is now aproaching 30 (Feb13), and I just spent Christmas with her, her sister, and three of my brothers, 1500 miles from home.
Fact is, all the 'parenting' you could do, ended at about age 12, or 13, and she has basicly run her own world, since. Trust yourself, and your parenting, even when, short term, there are questions, as in the long run, you will be proven right!
Enough 'pep talk'!
Tell us how the date went!

[Pistolenschutze]

Rosie, I raised two daughters and a son. There is no chauvensim intended when I say that raising my son was easy, and raising the girls gave me most of my grey hairs! Long ago I came to the simple conclusion that past the age of about 14 or so, parents simply coast on whatever values they have managed to instill in their young prior to that time. If those values are good and decent ones, the parents needn't worry very much (though, of course, we do anyway ). If those values are not there, however, it is far too late to do anything about it. You have obviously raised your daughter with excellent values and encouraged her to apply them. Trust me, she will. Kids are programmed to, at some point, begin to make their own decisions and they will do that whether parents like it or not. Trying to maintain total control once kids reach that point is like trying to scoop out the ocean with a dinner fork or shoot elephants with a .22. It is a rather futile endeavor at best. With my girls, I found that the more I opposed a relationship, the more determined the girls became to continue that relationship. Talk and offer guidance for sure. Kids expect that and, deep down, they want it as well. Yeah, they will make some mistakes, but then, so did we! If trust is given, most often it is returned. Kids with good values will usually figure out for themselves when something isn't right. Perhaps not as quickly as you or I, due to our greater life experience, but ultimately they will.

[rosierita]

thank you everyone for your replies! it's almost 5 pm & everyone should be showing up around 8 pm. LOL! i'll let ya'll know how it goes, if i survive it!

i'm excited for her bc i think her interest in this guy isnt bad... i mean, i think he's a good candidate. if for nothing else, to hold some targets.

seriously, i think he's okay, but i cant say i know him all that well... i DO trust ashley tho.

[358 winchester]

Thank goodness I only had son's and they didn't make nervous at all I told them like it was
"If her daddy comes here looking for you I am telling him which room is yours, then I am going fishing"
Ron

[Pat Hurley]

Say, even though this chap might be quite the gentleman, why take chances? How about slipping some saltpeter in his food and drink? A bottle full of viagra won't get it to work after you get enough in his system. He'll think he's not attracted to her,and they'll call the whole thing off.

Flawless. Magnificently flawless.

Just trying to help.

Pat Hurley

[BigSam77]

this guys a little older than the boys i see everyday, but they are not all as one brained and suave as it may seem.
I teach high school and the things some of my guys tell me its hilarious. I have some that are still nervous about the first time they kiss a girl.( not the first ever but the first with that one.) many of them are still so naive and are not just thinking of the goodies. I had one boy tell me that his girlfriend wants to do it but he's afraid of a kid. They are not all bad. Just get to kow him and see how it goes.
btw these are all 15-17 y.o.

[Marlin]

Iraised three girls and know from wence you come.

The clue is to have faith in your daughter to do the right thing based on the values you have instilled over the years. Lean back, relax and enjoy her joys as she develops in the world of boys.

[rosierita]

Originally Posted by Marlin

Iraised three girls and know from wence you come.

The clue is to have faith in your daughter to do the right thing based on the values you have instilled over the years. Lean back, relax and enjoy her joys as she develops in the world of boys.

you make that sound so easy marlin!

okay, so I SURVIVED THE NIGHT!! there was supposed to be rain last night & alot of the people we invited didnt come.... but, the HILARIOUS thing is that all of my aunts & uncles on my dad's side came, minus 1 aunt & 1 uncle. so, he kinda got thrown into the "lion's den" last night. he also got to meet my sister & her hellion (her loser hubby didnt show up) & my brother & his wife... VERY SHORTLY after he walked thru the door w/ his carolina gamecock hat on ( we're clemson tiger fans) 1 of my uncles (1 that i've done some target shooting with ) started patting himself down like he was looking for his pistol. poor fella wasnt here 15 minutes yet. my uncle said "ah man! i must have left it at home" & i walked up behind where ashley & ryan (the guy) were standing & said "you can borrow 1 of mine!" & ashley brought out their walther p22s to show my uncle. i think he took it pretty well bc he ended up staying here until 2 am. he was the last 1 to leave. those kids got no privacy tho...

EVERYONE was pulling me aside & telling me they liked him, so that made me feel pretty good. we'll just have to see how this turns out i guess. there is no tellin how he took last night.... having him thrown into the middle of what turned out to be a family gathering, if he's decent, wont turn him away i dont think....

[358 winchester]

You have that young man so worried now that he will only shoe your horse if you delivery it to him in the next STATE
Glad it went well for you

[SouthernMoss]

Thanks for the update, Rosie. If the young man is anything like I think he is, the "family gathering" won't faze him in the least.

[Marlin]

If he is the person he sounded like and he is a "family" man, don't be surprised to find that he had a good time.....