FOUNDED: February 9, 2001
|12-03-2007, 02:25 PM||#1|
Advanced Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it!
Q: How does a blond kill a bird?
A: She throws it off a cliff!
Q: How does a blond lose five pounds?
A: She takes off her make-up.
Q: Why do blonds wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why do blonds wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: What did the blond think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Where do blonds go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What happened to the blond tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Why did the blond keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Why does a blond drive a BMW?
A: Cuz she can spell it...
Q: How Do You Confuse A Dumb Blond?
A: Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..
Q: What do you call a blond holding a balloon?
A: Siamese twins
Q: How is a blond like a a bottle?
A: They're both empty from neck up
Q: What did the blond say about blond jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto
Q: How do you confuse a blond?
A: You don't. They are born that way.
Q: Why do blonds hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard too peel.
Q: How do you know when a blond has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find the M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blond have in an M&M factory?
Q: How do you keep a blond in suspense?
A: I'll post this answer tomorrow.
Q: Why do blond wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he preforms brain surgery on
A: "Space. The final frontier....."
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blond jokes.
Q: How does the blond car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: How do you know that a fax came from a blond?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back!
Q. What does a U.F.O and an intelligent blond have in common?
A. You always hear about them... but you never see them!
Q: Why did the blond put lipstick on her forehead?
A: She was trying to make up her mind!
Q. How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows? It has never been done!
Q: Why did blondethrow a puppy on a bun & in the microwave?
A: She wanted a hotdog.
Q: What did the blond do when she broke her tuperware?
A: Called the plastic surgeon.
Q: What is 500 ft. long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blond parade!
Q: Why did the blond smile every time there was a flash of lightning?
A: She though someone was taking her picture.
Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blond?
A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.
Q: What happens when a blond gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: How did the blond die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.
Q: How do you steal the window seat of a blond going to Paris?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to Paris are all in the middle row.
Q: What do you do when a blond throws a pin at you?
A: RUN LIKE HECK...she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blond golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: Why did the blond scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "Wave" at BYU?
A: The blond were drowning.
Q: Why did the blond keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks her keys in the car.
Q: Why did the blond tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why can't blonds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency
room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blond that almost caused a wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Q: Did you hear about the blond who couldn't wait to see "20,000
Leagues under the sea?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there
were so many teams.
Q: Why did the blond stand in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like sleeping.
Q: How did the blondebreak her leg playing hockey with the Toronto
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blonds does it take to play Hide and Seek?
Q: Why couldn't the blond write the number ELEVEN?
A: She couldn't figure out which one to write first.
Q: What do you call a blond with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: A widow.
Q: How many blonds does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to hand her the
Q: How did the blond die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blond break her leg raking leaves"
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX has been sent by a blond?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: Why didn't the blond want to fax her resume?
A: It was her only copy.
Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: Why is it good to have a blond passenger?
A: You get to park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why does NASA hire blonds?
A: They are doing research on black holes and empty space.
Q: Why do blonds have see-through lunch box space?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they are on the bus they can tell if they are coming home or going to work.
Q: Why do men like blond jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why do all blond have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: (Finger on chin) "Duh, I don't know" (hits forehead) "Oh, I get it!"
Q: Why do blond have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blond have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do blond put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do blond like the GST? (Goods and Service Tax in Canada)
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: Why don't blond double recipes?
A: The over doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blond make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blond call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can't remember the number.
A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Q: Why don't blonds eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: How many blonds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: What's a lightbulb.
A2: One. She holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Q: Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blond, and a smart blond are walking down the
street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blond, because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blond.
Q: If a blond and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground off?
A: The brunette. The blond has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blond and Bigfoot?
A: There have been reported sightings of Bigfoot.
Q: What does a blond make best for dinner?
Q: What do you get when you offer a blond a penny for her thoughts?
Q: What does a blond say if you blow in her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill."
Q: What do you call a basement full of blonds?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call 4 blonds lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a blond between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 15 blonds in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
Q: What do you call a blond in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did the blond bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs.
Q: Why did the blond put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why did the blond have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why don't blonds have elevator jobs?
A: They get lost.
Q: Why do blonds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the difference between elvis and smart blonds?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What do you call a blond in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you call it when a blond dyes her hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What does a blond owl say?
A: What, What?
Q: How many blonds does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
Q: What's the blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blond, I'm blond, I'm B. L. O. N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea, yea, yea..."
--Pistolenschutze (Pistol Shooter)
|12-03-2007, 08:01 PM||#2|
Advanced Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: South Central Texas
Re: Blond One-Liners
Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives."
--John Adams, letter to Benjamin Rush, April 18, 1808