How Not To Go Deer Hunting:)))))

[Don Buckbee]

I didn't check if it is true, but it is a good story.


In recognition of deer season now upon us-


I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it
in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then
kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I
figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder
and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are
there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff
at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck
not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one,
get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it
down) then hog-tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with
my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing
before, stayed well back. They were not having any of
it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of
them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from
the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer
just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end
so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood
and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly
concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a
little tension on the rope and then received an
education.


The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may
just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it,
they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that
rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a
deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a
colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope
and with some dignity.

A deer? No chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There
was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.
As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me
across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer
on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had
originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much
stamina as many other animals.


A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as
quick to take me off my feet and drag me when I
managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize
this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out
of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost
my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get
that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around
its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully
somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all
between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated
the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling
was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots
where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by
bracing my head against various large rocks as it
dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly
enough to recognize that there was a small chance that
I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the
situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have
to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined
back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little
trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze
chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I
could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a
million years would have thought that a deer would bite
somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up
there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of
my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a
horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer
bites you and shakes its head -- almost like a pit bull.
They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is
probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried
screaming and shaking instead. My method was
ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and
shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only
several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be
questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept
it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I
reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior
for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear
right up on their back feet and strike right about head
and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly
sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal,
like a horse, strikes at you with their hooves and you
can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to
make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards
the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a
bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such
trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond,
I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman
and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn
and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a
good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all,
besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil,
because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in
the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it
does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not
recognize that the danger has passed. What they do
instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you
while you are laying there crying like a little girl and
covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer
went away.

So, now I know why people go deer hunting with a rifle
with a scope. They try to sort of even the odds.

[Nighthawk]

[jacksonco]

Damn! Some one should make a TV movie about this guy. Makes those Jack Ass Movie guys see a little tame doesn't it? Thanks for the illuminating post.

[Shellback]

That was a great story! Thanks Don
Tim

[artabr]

Thanks for the laugh.


Art

[Lori Mick]

Yes! Thanks for the laugh! ( I still have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!) Wow! That was Great!

[noslolo]

Not a true story and not the full story but very, very funny, to say the least. It always brings tears to my eyes, because I'm laughing so hard!

[GMFWoodchuck]

My uncle many years ago killed a doe with his knife.

Long story short, he shot a doe and it ran x number of yards (I don't recall some of the exact details like that) He tracked it and found it. He grabbed his knife and went to cut it's throat open and before he knew it he was in the fight of his life. Being a very large armed with a knife man and the doe being small, he eventually killed the doe. His buddies came up eventually and asked what the heck happened to him. One of his buddies walking around found the doe he had actually shot less than twenty yards away. The one he had just killed with his knife was sleeping and had no bullet holes. His buddies carefully inspected the deer looking for gun shot wounds. The doe was never shot.

[Lori Mick]

I'm still laughing at this story....
and sharing it with friends!

[mrkirker]

I have forwarded to several 'hunter' friends! Great story!