Funny Craigslist Ad

[artabr]

This is an ad from Lafayette, La. It was brought to our attention on a local shooting forum by a member with the screen name Grits.


http://lafayette.craigslist.org/pet/969137682.html

Wanted: One strong willed individual to take my bird!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: comm-@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-24, 5:15PM CST



Yes, that's correct, I need someone with a very strong will to take over care of one guinea hen. I must warn you, if you are not a black belt, Navy Seal, Army Ranger, special ops of any kind or Chuck Norris, this animal may not be for you. If you have children or cherish your other family pets, don't bother. Consider yourself warned. Despite this animal being no bigger than a football, it scares the crap out of me. Okay, on to the good stuff.

This is a wonderful bird to add to your property... if it needs guarding. Insects, birds, dogs, humans, even tigers would not make it very far onto your property if this thing is around. If its annoying sound doesn't drive them off, its ferocious behavior certainly will. Machinery isn't safe, either. It has chased my car on several occaisions and I have to carry a stick with me when mowing the yard. Despite its meager size, this thing is indestructible; if there is ever nuclear fallout, the only things left would be roaches and this bird (and that wouldn't last long, either.) It has been ran over several times, but this only pisses it off. I'm serious, the meanest Rottweiler you could find would whimper and tuck its tail upon crossing this creature. One good thing is it will keep your windows and mirrors clean; just spray some cleaner and let it go to town. Yeah, this thing hates everything on Earth, including the sight of itself.

I've tried running it off by not feeding it, but I think it has found another food source (I've noticed a decline in the neighborhood stray population.) I just can't deal with it anymore. C'mon, I'm a grown man. I shouldn't have to lock myself inside the house because of this stupid bird. I don't have it in me to shoot it, though I seriously doubt that would have any effect.

So, if you think you can, come catch this bird and you can have it. Shouldn't be too hard to get close to, seein' as how it's permanently set in attack mode. Trust me, it will corner you first.

Disclaimer: I will NOT be held responsible for anything relating to the bird. Before stepping on the property, you will be asked to sign a waiver.




it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 969137682




Art

[Lori Mick]

That is too funny! I wish he had posted a picture of the bird!

[AL MOUNT]

I'm just guessing they all look alike

[rosierita]

LMAO!!! that's SO FUNNY!!

[Bruce FLinch]

Do they taste like chicken??

[Dakota Red 1]

[artabr]

Originally Posted by Bruce FLinch

Do they taste like chicken??

They do make a better Gumbo than chicken from what I hear. I rather a seafood gumbo than a yardbird one.

http://www.southerngumbotrail.com/bubbafrey.shtml

Can we pause there for a minute and can you tell me for the record what a guinea is, and then describe the gumbo?

Okay, a guinea is a—it’s very closely related to the pheasant and the partridge. It—it’s considered a game bird, but it originated from Africa. It came over during the slave trade, you know, and they brought it here and it got stuck here. And then the Cajuns, you know they keep them, and they keep them mostly because they were—they call them their watchdogs because, you know, they’re a very noisy bird—very noisy. If they see something that’s not in place, well they start raising seven kinds of hell, you know, and it’s—it’s not a sound like a chicken, but it’s a high-pitched cackling noise. And if you hear that, you can be sure and go in whatever direction, and they—and they kind of like form a big old pile. They gang up on whatever it is that they see. And you can go look and—and sure enough you’re going to find something. You know I went to my chicken yard one day and they were all piled up around a little clump of grass. And I kept looking and I said, Well it’s got to be a snake or something, and I couldn’t find it. And when I moved the grass with my foot, sure enough there was a snake curled up in there trying to get away from the guineas. Another time they was at—in another corner, hollering, and they kept looking. So I chased them away from that part of the fence, and about two or three minutes when I walked away they were back at it again. I went and I looked and I said, Well there’s something there. And what I noticed, there was a little baby cottontail eating grass in a briar bush and they had spotted him. So, and you know they just investigate.

And they got different varieties now than they had back then. Back then it was the little Creole guineas, and a full-grown guinea only weighed a pound and a half at the most. And—and the ones that I have now are the jumbos, and they’ll dress as much as five pounds. They’re very, very fat. You know, they look almost like a hen when you butcher them. And people that, you know that were raised on these little guineas can't believe that these guineas are the same guineas. But today everything is bred for meat purposes, and—and I guess they just did the same thing with the guineas. Now the color of the guinea I got, they’re gray with little white—perfectly little white polka-dots—you know, it looks like in rows through the whole bird. They have a blue head; they’re very—the head is very, very colorful. I mean it would look like something that would come from back in Africa, you know the color of the skin and stuff like that. Now they have white varieties now; they have lavenders; they have pearl; they have several different colors. But I use the gray ones—the pearl—because that’s mostly what everybody raised back then. And—and when they see it, you know, it’s not so much that they got to have it, but they say, Grandma used to have these in her yard. You know it brings back memories. And then they buy them and then they go home and eat them, and they put it in a gumbo.

Now the gumbo—. You know, this part of the country, anything they going to get their hands on they’ll make a gumbo with. If they go dove hunting, squirrel hunting, whatever—duck hunting, goose hunting—it all, most of the time it all ends up in the gumbo. Gumbo, what it is is just, you know you start with your flour and your oil. And I don’t measure it; I just—it’s pretty much half and half. You mix it to where it makes like a thick or a loose paste in the pan. And I usually cook mine in the oven real, real slow because it takes three or four hours for me to do that to where, if I cook it on top of the stove, you got to babysit it for about an hour or two, you know, if you cook the batches that I cook, and it burns very, very quickly. So if you have it on a hot fire you got to constantly stir it. If I put I in the oven, I’ll put it on sometimes around 2:30, 3 o’clock in the morning and it’s not ready ‘til 8:30, 9:00 you know the same morning. So it takes a long process to do it in the oven, but you—it’s a sure shot not to burn it. Once you burn it, it’s—it’s an irreversible situation. All you can do is throw it away or eat gumbo, you know, that’s going to have a burnt flavor. Because your roux is your—your basic ingredient(s) other than your chicken or your guinea or whatever in gumbo, you know. And when it’s done—I mean there’s some people that will cook it a little darker ‘cause they like their roux darker. Some of them like it light. I mean you can buy it now whichever shade of darkness you want. And I can remember, at one time—to tell you, you know, the way the store situation changed here, that roux was never, never, never bought in a grocery store. Never. And my mama and my grandmother, when they were going to make a stew or a gumbo, most of the time they made it [the roux] before they actually did their cooking. So you know a lot of times in the—in the summertime when we were out of school, if you were playing in the barnyard or somewheres and you know—and back then there wasn’t no air-conditioning and the windows were up and the roux carried—the smell carried. It was kind of like brewed coffee; you know, for a long distance. And sometimes we were out there in the barnyard playing and we could smell it, and we knew what we were going to have for supper. It was either going to be some type of stew or a gumbo, because you could smell mama cooking the roux, you know, and we knew right then and there what we were going to have.

Now gumbo is mostly a winter dish. They’ll—they’ll cook it, but you know and—they won't eat it because it’s hot. I’ll eat gumbo pretty much all year long for the simple fact that when you eat gumbo in the wintertime, you got the heat on in the house, so you know—. And now all you got—with the convenience of modernization, you just put the air-condition on and cook your gumbo and eat it.

http://www.southerngumbotrail.com/vi...r_trails.shtml


Art

[delta13soultaker]

Sounds like a good excuse to do some pre-season pattern testing on a new turkeygun...or new chokes on an old turkeygun even

[Pistolenschutze]

Originally Posted by delta13soultaker

Sounds like a good excuse to do some pre-season pattern testing on a new turkeygun...or new chokes on an old turkeygun even

I dunno, Delta, it might take an M203 to deal with that bird!

[armedandsafe]

I used to make the run over to Oregon to maintain equipment at the ordnace depot and the lumber mill in Oregon. There was a fellow who always stocked his place in the Spring with 4 dozen Guineas.

Along about harvest season, those birds would be full grown, ready to eat. You would see them lined up along the road, looking left, then right. Here comes a harvest truck and they would start to dance. Then they would all dash across the road in front of it. Those which made it would then line up along the road side and start looking, left, right...

Farmer said he had never had to kiil a single one of his birds. But...he would have to buy another batch each year.

Pops

[flannelman]

We had some when I was a kid and I can tell you they can be very mean! They can be very stupid too! Ours would fly down out of the roost tree in the morning onto the roof of the house and then run back and forth across the roof making a terrible racket. I hated those things with a passion.

[LibbyJS4]

lol! heres another good one---

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/909076509.html

Originally Posted: Thu, 6 Nov 21:20 PST
**** TOILET FOR TWO ****

Date: 2008-11-06, 9:20PM PST


I have come to the conclusion that I must sell my TwoDaLoo, and that saddens me. I purchased this baby for my wife. Well, it was our 4 year anniversary and I really wanted to give her something special, something that I put a lot of thought into, and most importantly something we could do together. I thought what better thing to do together than to poo together. After countless hours of research I found The TwoDaLoo. The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use ... at the exact same time. It’s supposed to bring couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. My wife was disgusted and has since left me. I explained to her that we could be as one if we could rock a big one out together. I can’t think of a better way to end a romantic dinner out. And how cool would Taco Tuesday have been – had she been just a little more open minded. It’s just not the same when you use it alone – and the empty seat next to me just reminds me of her.

The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. I purchased the upgraded version; you know the one that includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station. I will provide my personal play list (should you choose to by her) – songs like “I’m Coming Out” and “You Dropped a Bomb on me” and “Love Stinks” will be just a few.

I truly hope that someone can use my T for T (toilet for two) and find the happiness that I was so looking for.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 909076509

[delta13soultaker]

In Ft Irwin and Ft Benning I had to poop next to other dudes on a board with holes cut in them, which was slightly awkward, but you do your task and move out and that's that. I don't think I'd pay my own money to poop next to anyone, and I can't imagine a topic of conversation to make pooping with a chick less awkward. Nope, I don't think I'd buy a TwoDaLoo.

[RCGUIDRY]

Sounds like a mean bird Art! We have a bantam rooster that thinks hes 4 feet tall and bullet proof. I have knocked him out twice and he still will challenge me in the yard!

Randy

[artabr]

The guy buys his wife a throne and she dumps him, whats the world coming to.
Good one Libby!

Randy, when I was a kid I had some bantams. I'd have to keep an eye on them. They would attack me when I turned my back on them. Prime candidates for the gumbo pot.


Art