Advanced Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Central NJ
A modest proposal
Subject: A Modest Proposal.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.
Here is a model dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After all, you won all the cities with the dense populations, we won the rest of the country. After that it should be relatively easy!
Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU and the present Congress.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Dr. Spock (not to be confused with Mr. Spock) and Rosie O'Donnell and the rest of hollywoods sick liberals (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them). You are NOT allowed to approach Jack Nicholson, we want him for our President. We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. We will let women decide on their own whether or not to have an abortion.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under
assault, we'll provide them job security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism. We will also keep GOD on our money and songs.
You can also have the U.N, but we will no longer be paying the bill. If you are attacked by foreign governments you will be on your own with your UN.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
P.S. Also, please take Barbra Streisand and the wretched jane fonda, we are kinda fonda getting rid of that traiter bitch.
“Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not” — Thomas Jefferson.
"The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of 'liberalism,' they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948