France

dksdks
Member
Posts: 38
(3/16/03 11:56:54 am)
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Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your
accordion." Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac,
President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an
attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a
three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot.
Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you
are French.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he
hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French,
people." Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get
Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out
of France." Jay Leno

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the
city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris
under a German flag." David Letterman

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known,
it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when
they needed us."
-Alan Kent

astute observer
Member
Posts: 44
(3/19/03 8:19:23 pm)
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Have you seen the new French flag? It's a white cross on a white field!

Smokin Guns
V.I.P. Member
Posts: 918
(3/19/03 8:23:47 pm)
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[Smokin Guns]

Stop, if you are proFrench. This is not pretty.

>
> LONDON, Feb 12 (AFP) - Britain's best-selling newspaper, the Sun, went
> into anti-Gallic overdrive Wednesday, running a Top 10 selection of French
> jokes in a barbed attack on President Jacques Chirac's position on Iraq.
> Under the headline, "Joke is on you, Jacqass," and an imaginary photo of a
> grinning Saddam Hussein visiting at the Eiffel Tower, the racy tabloid
> asked these penetrating questions:

-- How many gears in a French tank? Six: five reverse and one forward, in
case they are attacked from behind.

-- What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The army.

-- How do you stop a French tank? Shoot the guy pushing.

-- How did the French advertise surplus World War II rifles? "Never fired,
only dropped once."

-- Why might the French send troops to the Gulf? To teach the Iraqis how
to surrender.

-- A Frenchman is in a bar with a parrot. The barman says: "That's an ugly
bird. Where did you get it?" The parrot says: "France, there's millions of
'em!"

-- Why do Frenchmen have moustaches? To look like their mothers.

-- A Frenchman was banned from practicing medicine for having sex with his
patients. It was a shame, he was the best vet in town.

-- What is a Frenchman with a sheep and a goat under each arm? Bisexual.

-- Why does the new French navy use glass-bottomed boats? To miss the old
French navy