Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene - The Firearms Forum

45nut · 04-22-2009, 07:56 AM

ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man. Sorry. What knight live in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty-seven.
ARTHUR: I-- what?
DENNIS: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old.
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you 'Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say 'Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'.
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you
looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I am king!
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting
the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates
the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going
to be any progress with the--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-
perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
WOMAN: No one live there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in
turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special
bi-weekly meeting--
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, how did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,...
[angels sing]
...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from
the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was
to carry Excalibur.
[singing stops]
That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis
for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just
'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up, will you. Shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help!
I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh?
That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it,
didn't you?

That scene is one of my favorites from the entire body of MP's work. I just thought that I would try to inject some humor into the sad situation we find ourselves in today.

What's your favorite MP scene or sketch? My next favorite sketch is from the TV show entitled Argument Clinic

Get your argument here

bcj1755 · 04-22-2009, 08:56 AM

"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!"

I love that line! My favorite scene from that movie is the rabbit

I laugh so hard everytime I see the rabbit bite that guy's head off people think I"m some kind of psycho!!!

Or the Black Knight! That part was great also.

olmossbak · 04-22-2009, 09:03 AM

Can't remember the name of the movie, may be "Holy Grail" but the mob is condeming a women as a witch. One says...she is a witch, she turn me into a newt. Another says ...you're not a newt. The first replies....well, I got better.

fmacsin1 · 04-22-2009, 09:12 AM

My favorite: The Killer Rabbits!

TranterUK · 04-22-2009, 09:22 AM

[QUOTE=45nut;431227]
DENNIS: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis
for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Classic. And possibly a more reliable system than the one we enjoy today?

islenos · 04-22-2009, 09:24 AM

Killer Rabbit...... run away run away!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKI...eature=related

bcj1755 · 04-22-2009, 09:25 AM

[QUOTE=TranterUK;431281]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 45nut

DENNIS: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis
for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Classic. And possibly a more reliable system than the one we enjoy today?

Which one? Executive power deriving from a mandate of the masses, or strange women lying in ponds distributing swords?

I think the latter would have given us a better "leader" than Barry

TranterUK · 04-22-2009, 09:28 AM

Americans enjoying British humour! Whatever next?

islenos · 04-22-2009, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TranterUK

Americans enjoying British humour! Whatever next?

I grew up watching Monty Python and The Goodies, by which left me with a twisted view of the UK.

TranterUK · 04-22-2009, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by islenos

I grew up watching Monty Python and The Goodies, by which left me with a twisted view of the UK.

No, you dont understand. It's really like that here. Man eating Rabbits, ladies in lakes, its all true..

4EvrLearning · 04-22-2009, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TranterUK

No, you dont understand. It's really like that here. Man eating Rabbits, ladies in lakes, its all true..

I suspected as much

The scene with Dennis and King Arthur is probably one of my favorites, as well. However, the "coconut clopping" in the opening scene is pretty darn funny.... Clever men, they.

Hmmm...."Help! Help! I'm being repressed!".... new sign for the Tea Parties?

bcj1755 · 04-22-2009, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TranterUK

Americans enjoying British humour! Whatever next?

I happen to think that "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" is the funniest movie ever made. I used to watch Monty Python as a kid. I also remember many hours as a kid spent with my grandmother watching "The Benny Hill Show."

pinecone70 · 04-22-2009, 10:04 AM

RUN AWAY!

45nut · 04-22-2009, 10:09 AM

I watched
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Are You Being Served?
Benny Hill
Two Ronnies
Faulty Towers
Open All Hours
Black Adder

I loved them all, but MP and Two Ronnies were the best!!!

KING64 · 04-22-2009, 10:19 AM

Soooo.....I am not the only Monty Python nut here. Glad to know that.

pinecone70 · 04-22-2009, 10:28 AM

"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."

kutaho · 04-22-2009, 10:32 AM

Bring out the holy grenade.

TranterUK · 04-22-2009, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kutaho

Bring out the holy grenade.

Ok, I will. What did you think of 'Life of Brian'?

45nut · 04-22-2009, 11:05 AM

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch:

LAUNCELOT: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.
ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS: [chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
ARTHUR: How does it, um-- how does it work?
LAUNCELOT: I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR: Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, verses Nine to Twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD: Amen.
KNIGHTS: Amen.
ARTHUR: Right! One... two... five!
GALAHAD: Three, sir!
ARTHUR: Three!
[angels sing]
[boom]
Funny stuff.

Tranter - Not much

TranterUK · 04-22-2009, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 45nut

Tranter - Not much

I am not very religious, though definitely God fearing, and thought it a little close to the mark.

Popgunner · 04-22-2009, 11:27 AM

My friends & I went to every midnight showing of the Holy Grail. We could recite the whole movie word for word. Even the "executive" version. I was thrown out of family life class in high school for reciting the Holy Grail. The teacher was explaining the birds & bees to us & I was going back & forth with my friend about "Dennis There's some lovely filth down here" when she threw me out. Go figure...

One of my favorites: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

LurpyGeek · 04-22-2009, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Popgunner

One of my favorites: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

My favorites are the Four Yorkshiremen and "How not to be seen".

Pistolenschutze · 04-22-2009, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TranterUK

No, you dont understand. It's really like that here. Man eating Rabbits, ladies in lakes, its all true..

Indeed, Tranter. I expect Robin Hood and Maid Marion will appear on the scene any day now, not to mention Sir Lancelot, Sir Stephen, Sir Banier, Sir Bors, Sir Gareth and Sir Gawayne.

olmossbak · 04-22-2009, 12:18 PM

To extend a bit to BBC in general Tranter, when can we expect new series of Torchwood and Primevil. A bit more of Dr. Who with Billie Pipper would also be OK.

TranterUK · 04-22-2009, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olmossbak

To extend a bit to BBC in general Tranter, when can we expect new series of Torchwood and Primevil. A bit more of Dr. Who with Billie Pipper would also be OK.

Oh dear, I hate to disappoint or disillusion but I have never watched either Torchwood or Primevil. I also stopped watching Dr Who regularly when much younger. Though did enjoy the Easter special 'bus in the desert' episode.

I actually watch very little TV, though would never miss an episode of Battlestar Galactica or Futurama, and buy the CDs.

04-22-2009, 07:56 AM	#1
45nut Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,428	Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene ARTHUR: Old woman! DENNIS: Man! ARTHUR: Man. Sorry. What knight live in that castle over there? DENNIS: I'm thirty-seven. ARTHUR: I-- what? DENNIS: I'm thirty-seven. I'm not old. ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you 'Man'. DENNIS: Well, you could say 'Dennis'. ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis'. DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? ARTHUR: I did say 'sorry' about the 'old woman', but from the behind you looked-- DENNIS: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior! ARTHUR: Well, I am king! DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. And how d'you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress with the-- WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d'you do? ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that? WOMAN: King of the who? ARTHUR: The Britons. WOMAN: Who are the Britons? ARTHUR: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king. WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self- perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- WOMAN: Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again. DENNIS: That's what it's all about. If only people would hear of-- ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle? WOMAN: No one live there. ARTHUR: Then who is your lord? WOMAN: We don't have a lord. ARTHUR: What? DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. ARTHUR: Yes. DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting-- ARTHUR: Yes, I see. DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,-- ARTHUR: Be quiet! DENNIS: But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major-- ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet! WOMAN: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh. ARTHUR: I am your king! WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you. ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings. WOMAN: Well, how did you become king then? ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,... [angels sing] ...her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king! DENNIS: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. ARTHUR: Be quiet! DENNIS: Well, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! ARTHUR: Shut up! DENNIS: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! ARTHUR: Shut up, will you. Shut up! DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. ARTHUR: Shut up! DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed! ARTHUR: Bloody peasant! DENNIS: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you? That scene is one of my favorites from the entire body of MP's work. I just thought that I would try to inject some humor into the sad situation we find ourselves in today. What's your favorite MP scene or sketch? My next favorite sketch is from the TV show entitled Argument Clinic Get your argument here __________________ A gun is a tool, Marian; no better or no worse than any other tool: an axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that. Shane Nemo me impune lacesset We recall the case of the Shoshone war band which showed up complete with one 30-30 rifle per man the week after Pearl Harbor, and simply wanted to have the enemy pointed out to them. "We hear there's a war going on and we want to go fight it." Jeff Cooper *KCCO* --> Last edited by 45nut; 04-22-2009 at 08:00 AM.. Reason: grammar issues :D

04-22-2009, 08:56 AM	#2
bcj1755 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: A wretched hive of scum and villiany Posts: 4,357	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!" I love that line! My favorite scene from that movie is the rabbit I laugh so hard everytime I see the rabbit bite that guy's head off people think I"m some kind of psycho!!! Or the Black Knight! That part was great also.

04-22-2009, 09:03 AM	#3
olmossbak V.I.P. Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: NE Tenn Posts: 212	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene Can't remember the name of the movie, may be "Holy Grail" but the mob is condeming a women as a witch. One says...she is a witch, she turn me into a newt. Another says ...you're not a newt. The first replies....well, I got better.

04-22-2009, 09:12 AM	#4
fmacsin1 V.I.P. Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Moosehead Lake, Maine Posts: 433	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene My favorite: The Killer Rabbits!

04-22-2009, 09:22 AM	#5
TranterUK Advanced Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cambridge UK Posts: 5,103	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene [QUOTE=45nut;431227] DENNIS: Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Classic. And possibly a more reliable system than the one we enjoy today? __________________ DVC - Diligentia, Vis, Celeritas - Accuracy, Power, Speed. The light at the end of the recession tunnel IS a train coming the other way!

04-22-2009, 09:24 AM	#6
islenos Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: West Texas Posts: 1,244	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene Killer Rabbit...... run away run away! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKI...eature=related __________________

04-22-2009, 09:28 AM	#8
TranterUK Advanced Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cambridge UK Posts: 5,103	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene Americans enjoying British humour! Whatever next? __________________ DVC - Diligentia, Vis, Celeritas - Accuracy, Power, Speed. The light at the end of the recession tunnel IS a train coming the other way!

04-22-2009, 10:04 AM	#13
pinecone70 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota Gal! Posts: 4,730	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene RUN AWAY! __________________ _____________________________________________ "Miss Scarlet, in the library...with a revolver...."

04-22-2009, 10:09 AM	#14
45nut Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,428	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene I watched Monty Python's Flying Circus Are You Being Served? Benny Hill Two Ronnies Faulty Towers Open All Hours Black Adder I loved them all, but MP and Two Ronnies were the best!!! __________________ A gun is a tool, Marian; no better or no worse than any other tool: an axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that. Shane Nemo me impune lacesset We recall the case of the Shoshone war band which showed up complete with one 30-30 rifle per man the week after Pearl Harbor, and simply wanted to have the enemy pointed out to them. "We hear there's a war going on and we want to go fight it." Jeff Cooper *KCCO* Last edited by 45nut; 04-22-2009 at 10:19 AM..

04-22-2009, 10:19 AM	#15
KING64 Senior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Washington State Posts: 517	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene Soooo.....I am not the only Monty Python nut here. Glad to know that. __________________ Conlige suspectos semper habitos

04-22-2009, 10:28 AM	#16
pinecone70 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota Gal! Posts: 4,730	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene "On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place." __________________ _____________________________________________ "Miss Scarlet, in the library...with a revolver...."

04-22-2009, 10:32 AM	#17
kutaho Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Peoples Republic of the Pacific Northwest Posts: 1,852	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene Bring out the holy grenade.

04-22-2009, 11:05 AM	#19
45nut Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 3,428	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch: LAUNCELOT: We have the Holy Hand Grenade. ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade! MONKS: [chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. ARTHUR: How does it, um-- how does it work? LAUNCELOT: I know not, my liege. ARTHUR: Consult the Book of Armaments! BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, verses Nine to Twenty-one. SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu-- MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother. SECOND BROTHER: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.' MAYNARD: Amen. KNIGHTS: Amen. ARTHUR: Right! One... two... five! GALAHAD: Three, sir! ARTHUR: Three! [angels sing] [boom] Funny stuff. Tranter - Not much __________________ A gun is a tool, Marian; no better or no worse than any other tool: an axe, a shovel or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that. Shane Nemo me impune lacesset We recall the case of the Shoshone war band which showed up complete with one 30-30 rifle per man the week after Pearl Harbor, and simply wanted to have the enemy pointed out to them. "We hear there's a war going on and we want to go fight it." Jeff Cooper *KCCO*

04-22-2009, 11:27 AM	#21
Popgunner Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Contributor Posts: 1,764	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene My friends & I went to every midnight showing of the Holy Grail. We could recite the whole movie word for word. Even the "executive" version. I was thrown out of family life class in high school for reciting the Holy Grail. The teacher was explaining the birds & bees to us & I was going back & forth with my friend about "Dennis There's some lovely filth down here" when she threw me out. Go figure... One of my favorites: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

04-22-2009, 12:18 PM	#24
olmossbak V.I.P. Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: NE Tenn Posts: 212	Re: Monty Python & Holy Grail Scene To extend a bit to BBC in general Tranter, when can we expect new series of Torchwood and Primevil. A bit more of Dr. Who with Billie Pipper would also be OK.