You Might be a Texan if ---
A Texas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says
to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"
Two Texans are walking toward each other and one is carrying a sack.
One says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, whatcha got in the bag?"
"Jes, some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if you guesses right I'll give ya both of 'em."
A Texan came home and found his house on fire.
He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here - muh house is on fahr."
"OK," replied the fireman. "How do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have them big red trucks?"
Why do folks in Texas go to the movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard that 17 and under aren't admitted.
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked. "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause Bubba said. "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Texas to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Texas?
Where was the toothbrush invented?
Texas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
Did you hear about the $3,000,000.00 Texas State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
A new law was recently passed in Texas so that when a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
What do a divorce in Texas, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a house trailer.
How do you know when you're staying in a Texas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the desk clerk says, "Go ahead."
Any politician who doesn't trust me to own a weapon is not someone worthy of my vote, my respect, ~~ or my tax dollars.