I'm sorry for being an American
Since King-Emperor Barack I His Great Awesomeness and All-Knowing Teleprompter is touring the Earth and making apologies for the US, I think I should apolgize for being an American...
To France, I'm sorry that American soldiers saved you form the Germans twice within 30 years. I'm sorry that American troops allowed your army to stop a major German offensive in 1918 and prevented the Germans from marching through Paris as in 1871. I'm sorry that your heavyhanded treatment of Germany, against American advise, helped the Nazis come to power in Germany. I'm sorry that American soldiers had to land on a French beach to remove the Germans from France in 1944. I'm sorry that American soldiers who died restoring your freedom are still buried in France.
To Mexico, I'm sorry that you decided to go to war with the US over our annexation of Texas in 1846. I'm sorry that we offered to PAY you for the territories of California, Nevada, Utah, and parts of New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, and Arizona in an effort to avert war. I'm sorry that the US Marines marched through Mexico City. I'm sorry that you signed the Treaty of Guadelupe Hildago and ended up ceeding the terrority to us anyhow, even though we graciously agreed to pay you $18,250,000 for the land anyhow. I'm sorry that we later (in 1854) paid you $10 million for southern Arizona and part of southern New Mexico. I'm sorry you tried to put on your big boy pants but didn't have the ability to follow through with it. I'm sorry that your current government is one of the most corrupt on the face of the planet. And I'm sorry that your corrupt government is the most direct cause of your recent trouble with drug cartels.
To China, I'm sorry that you're the most prosperous communist nation in the history of mankind. I'm sorry that that properity came about after we opened trade relations with you. I'm sorry that we send you billions and billions of dollars every year for your cheaply made shoddy merchandise. I'm sorry that your communist labor practices allow you to undercut US manufacturing jobs which forces the closure or relocation of those jobs.
To North Korea, I'm sorry that Harry Truman's spinelessness and incompitance are the only reason that you are still a sovereign nation today. I'm sorry that Truman's mismanagment of the Korean War is what allowed your Dear Leader's family to maintain a stranglehold on your nation and people.
To the oil-producing Arab nations, I'm sorry that US oil companies are the reason that you went from living in tents among sand dunes to being some of the richest nations on earth virtually overnight. I'm sorry that we buy oil from you instead of drilling our own oil. I'm sorry that we send you billions and billions of dollars every year for your oil instead of keeping that money here in the US and using it to pay American oil workers to produce gasoline from oil drilled in our own southwest. I'm sorry that we are the reason for your current oil induced prosperity.
To the Islamic terrorists, I'm sorry that you decided to highjack airliners and ram them into buildings. I'm sorry that you felt you needed to take it upon yourself to murder 3000 innocent Americans one September morning in 2001. I'm sorry that your religion teaches you to kill the infidels and to destroy the Great Satan. I'm sorry that US soldiers in Iraq deposed a brutal, murderous, megalomanical dictator and are trying to make life better for the Iraqi people. I'm sorry that US soldiers in Afghanistan toppled a brutal, murderous, repressive regime. I'm sorry that the US is making it possible for Afghani women to learn to read and write. I'm sorry that US soldiers are killing Islamic insurgents for no other reason than those same insurgents are trying to kill US soldiers. I'm sorry that you are a bunch or murderers.
To citizens of third world nations, I'm sorry that the American people generously donate food to you to keep you from starving. I'm sorry that American doctors volunteer to cure you of diseases and sickness. I'm sorry that Americans freely give their hard earned money to charities that provide food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and education to you and your children, free of charge to you. I'm sorry that we are so generous and helpful. I'm sorry that you continue to have 14 kids when you can't even feed yourself, but we continually step up to make sure your children won't starve to death.
To the American socilaists and liberals, I'm sorry that you don't like living in a country where citizens have more personal freedoms and civil rights than any other country in human history. I'm sorry that you don't like the capitalist system that has made the US the richest and most powerful country in human history. I'm sorry that you don't like the military that protects your rights to gripe and moan about the US military. I'm sorry that you don't like the fact that the founding fathers founded this country on ideals that can be considered Christian. I'm sorry that you feel socialism is such a good idea, but yet you continue living in our republic. I'm sorry that you hate your country so much that you want to dismantle it, but yet love it so much that you refuse to move to a country that has already implemented your socialist ideas.
This is my way of saying "UP YOURS" to all the people that think I owe them something just because I'm a proud, patriotic American. This is to all the people that think the United States has never done anything to help them. This is to everyone that thinks America is the root of all evil in the world. And to everyone living within the borders of the United States who hates the US, you are more than welcome to pack your belongings and LEAVE.
History is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever.
Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges - Cicero
If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen. - Samuel Adams