My Favorite Blonde Joke

[dianalv]

A woman was driving her Ferrari Red convertable down the road, wind streaming her long blonde hair out behind her and grooving to her favorite CD, when she spies something odd. Pulling over, she gets out of her car and stares in astonishment at the scene before her.

There, in the middle of a bare dusty field, sits another blonde in a rowboat, working the oars for all she's worth, stirring up huge clouds of dust and getting precisely nowhere, of course, despite all her efforts.

The woman from the convertable shakes her head in disgust and yells across the field, "What the heck do you think you're doing, you idiot? It's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name! Why, if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your a$$!"

[dianalv]

Just picture it in your head......

[bcj1755]

[JetGirl]

One blonde yells to another across a river full of rapids, "HEY!! Tell me how to get on the other side!!"
The second blonde yells back, "Silly!! You ARE on the other side!!"

[dianalv]

A blonde gets in an accident. She takes her car to a body shop to get the dents fixed. The car mechanic decides to have a little fun with her. He tells her, "Well, Miss, it's gonna cost you $2980 for us to fix your car." He looks around furtively and beckons the blonde closer. He whispers in her ear, "Don't let the boss know I told you this, but you could fix this yourself for nothing."

The blonde says, "Really??? How?"

The mechanic, thoroughly enjoying himself, tells her to take the car home, to put it in the garage and let it cool off, then put her mouth around the tail pipe and blow really hard. "This will pop out the dents," he says sagely.

The blonde thanks him profusely, then drives her car home and has lunch while the tail pipe cools.

Sometime later her older sister comes home (also a blonde), and discovers her sibling on her knees behind her car blowing for all she's worth. "What the Heck do you think you're doing?" she asks incredulously. Her younger sister explains what the mechanic told her.

"You dummy!" she exclaims. "That will never work! You've got to roll the windows up first!"

[Jay]

Miss Ann.... which one were you?

[JetGirl]

Originally Posted by Jay

Miss Ann.... which one were you?

The armed one.

[Kieran McCaig]

With that answer I'd say fake blonde

[dianalv]

Hey, I'm blonde and I'm armed. Real blonde too. Why do you think I know so many blonde jokes? Heard 'em all my life.

[JetGirl]

Originally Posted by dianalv

Hey, I'm blonde and I'm armed. Real blonde too. Why do you think I know so many blonde jokes? Heard 'em all my life.

Ditto. And something else...blondes know the BEST blonde jokes...and we don't share them with the non-blondes.

By the way, what's black, blue, red & brown and is found in a ditch?
A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes!

[woolleyworm]

Originally Posted by MissAnnThrope

Ditto. And something else...blondes know the BEST blonde jokes...and we don't share them with the non-blondes.

By the way, what's black, blue, red & brown and is found in a ditch?
A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes!

Originally Posted by dianalv

Hey, I'm blonde and I'm armed. Real blonde too. Why do you think I know so many blonde jokes? Heard 'em all my life.

You two are cracking me up !! Thanks for the laughs, needed them after this week!

[Nighthawk]

[Kieran McCaig]

What do you call a Blonde with a dye job

[JetGirl]

Originally Posted by Kieran McCaig

What do you call a Blonde with a dye job

Artificial intelligence.

Your joke repertoire ...Old and busted. Needs new hawtness...

[Kieran McCaig]

Was just testing the waters

[JetGirl]

Allow me to help...


A blonde walks up to a vending machine outside of a local store. She drops a couple coins into the slot and a root beer pops out. She set it on the ground, puts in a couple more coins and a coke comes out. She continues to do this lining up can after can on the sidewalk. A man walks up and waits for a few minutes and becomes impatient saying, "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you’re doing?"

The blonde turns around and says,
"Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

[dianalv]

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats."

[dianalv]

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

[dianalv]

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"

[Trouble 45-70]

The jokes were good and tthe comments were better. Thanks ladies.

[kingchip]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are sitting in the OBGYN waiting room talking. The doctor has told them that if the girl is on top it will be a girl. If the man is on top it will be a boy.
The brunette tells them that hers will be a girl because she was on top. The redhead says her baby will be a boy because her husband was on top. The blonde starts crying. The other two ask her what's the matter.

"I'm going to have puppies".

[dianalv]

A blonde takes her favorite little black dress into the dry cleaners. The Oriental lady takes the dress, writes up her ticket and says "Thank you velly much. Come again."

"No," says the blonde, "It's toothpaste this time, you nosy old biddy!"

[JohnBrainard]

Two blond carpenters were building a house. One blond walked around the house to see how the other was doing and, to her amazement, the other blond was hammering one nail in and tossing another out. She watched this go on for several minutes and finally yelled, "What are you doing?!?!?" The other blond says, "The heads on those nails are on the wrong side!" The first blond replied, "You idiot! Those nails are for the other side of the house!"

[dianalv]

I once heard a blonde joke where the blonde out smarted everyone, but I can't remember it.

[artabr]

Originally Posted by dianalv

I once heard a blonde joke where the blonde out smarted everyone, but I can't remember it.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?



Art