JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH - The Firearms Forum

fedupdon · 09-17-2009, 11:08 AM

JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...but please don't shove me either!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married , she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead..'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.
You grow old because you stop laughing!
Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.

I thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right now - for all of us - so we need something to make the day a happy place.
"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.

Crpdeth · 09-17-2009, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fedupdon

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...but please don't shove me either!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

AWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Crpdeth

woolleyworm · 09-17-2009, 04:58 PM

thx for the

Don !

Nighthawk · 09-17-2009, 06:49 PM

pinecone70 · 09-21-2009, 08:39 AM

LOL!!!

jim summers · 09-21-2009, 09:07 AM

It is possible to tell a joke without using vulgarity and cuss words. I enjoyed these very much.

Marlin · 09-21-2009, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jim summers

It is possible to tell a joke without using vulgarity and cuss words. I enjoyed these very much.

Ditto.

navis128 · 09-21-2009, 01:31 PM

A pastor was visiting an elderly member of his church in the hospital. On the bedside table was a bowl of peanuts the pastor munched while chatting. At the end of the visit the pastor told the old lady that he was going to have to replace the peanuts that he ate.

She replied, "That's ok pastor, I already sucked the chocolate off".

09-17-2009, 11:08 AM	#1
fedupdon V.I.P. Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 307	JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...but please don't shove me either!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ An elderly woman died last month. Having never married , she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead..' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?' The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh. I thought you would enjoy this....times are tough right now - for all of us - so we need something to make the day a happy place. "They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet. -->

09-17-2009, 04:58 PM	#3
woolleyworm TFF Moderator/Host Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: SW Fort Worth Contributor Posts: 4,884	Re: JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH thx for the Don ! __________________ . What are you gonna do, talk the alien to death? -- (on Sigourney Weaver's worry about Guns in Aliens) "Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands." "I carry a small gun to compensate for my huge Blue press." .

09-17-2009, 06:49 PM	#4
Nighthawk Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: South Central Texas Posts: 3,330	Re: JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH __________________ Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives." --John Adams, letter to Benjamin Rush, April 18, 1808 NRA Life TSRA Life GOA Member

09-21-2009, 08:39 AM	#5
pinecone70 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Minnesota Gal! Posts: 4,730	Re: JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH LOL!!! __________________ _____________________________________________ "Miss Scarlet, in the library...with a revolver...."

09-21-2009, 09:07 AM	#6
jim summers Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: I reside in southern Indiana, you can almost step out of my back door and be setting on Patoka Lake Posts: 1,056	Re: JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH It is possible to tell a joke without using vulgarity and cuss words. I enjoyed these very much. __________________ To Whom Much Is Given, Much Is Required.

09-21-2009, 01:31 PM	#8
navis128 Advanced Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 1,392	Re: JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH A pastor was visiting an elderly member of his church in the hospital. On the bedside table was a bowl of peanuts the pastor munched while chatting. At the end of the visit the pastor told the old lady that he was going to have to replace the peanuts that he ate. She replied, "That's ok pastor, I already sucked the chocolate off".