Alzheimer's Disease and a Persistent Parental Caretaker...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ponycar17, Dec 27, 2011.

  1. rosierita

    rosierita Active Member

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    have you looked into "daycare" for him, to give her a break? maybe she'll consider that... if she could get a few hours to rest & clear her mind, her perspective will likely change. its a very tough decision, i'm not trying to dismiss that, but the pressure she's under is enormous, "catching a break" just may help her.

    good luck, i know there is no easy solution.:(
  2. HunterAlpha1

    HunterAlpha1 Former Guest

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  3. ponycar17

    ponycar17 Active Member

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    That's an idea rosierita but I don't know how it would fit their situation. Dialysis is a 3 day per week deal and they spend 5 or so hours there every day that he goes. There's not much time where he could go and actually give her a break. He's also like a child in that he can't let her leave his sight. It would take an extended absence to get him used to her not being there. As far as cost, they definitely can't afford it due to her not working in order to care for him. The only situation I could see really helping would be for him to go into a nursing home and allow her to go back to work. Work would take her mind off of things and she'd be free in her time off to visit and care for her parents when needed. After a while, he'd also totally forget her. That would likely make her see how far gone his mind really is, and would probably help back up her decision to put him there.
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2011
  4. ponycar17

    ponycar17 Active Member

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    UPDATE - A week ago my step-dad, in one of his more coherent moments, revealed that he no longer wanted to go to dialysis. My mom took it hard but accepted it since she knew how bad he had been struggling.

    His doctors had recommended that he discontinue dialysis in October of 2011. My mom refused... Well, ending dialysis is a one-way ticket into hospice care since they rarely last over 10 days after discontinuing treatment. So, Monday hospice came out to begin in-home care. After the nurses realized how dire his health really was, he went into the actual hospice house on Tuesday night. It has been a LOOOONG week. :(

    He passed away on Saturday after his illness finally took him. Remarkably, my mother is taking it well. I think that knowing that he decided his fate relieved her of a lot of the burden of having to regret any decisions regarding his care. If he hadn't voiced his opinion she'd still be holding on and struggling to care for him in the home on her own.

    I pray that she'll be OK in the coming months, as her father just got some pretty dire news concerning his condition yesterday. When it rains, it pours... :(
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2012
  5. rosierita

    rosierita Active Member

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    :(:(:( (((hugs))) i'm so sorry for your family's loss.
  6. ponycar17

    ponycar17 Active Member

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    Thanks rosie. Everyone is handling the situation surprisingly well.
  7. Capt Mac Turk

    Capt Mac Turk New Member

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    Today last year my Step mom passed she stayed with my Pops 40+ years and she was pretty much a Saint . he was a real PITA & he had his moments
    He was also getting "out there" & acadents But god bless her she hung in there with him.

    He Died New years night 2011,,,, Jan 8-2012 She died. It was almost as if she said OK I have done all I could to help him & then layed down & gave up


    Then on top of all this my Mother in law lived with Us,
    they say deaths run in threes well Jan 17 She passed.

    My Ashley lost her 3 remaining Grandparents in 18 days
    Really hurt Me & my Wife but Ashley almost dident even blink
    The school knew of what was going on & sent us a notice of a
    Hospice program for kids losing loved ones. "Camp Good Greaf"
    (I think this realy helped her @ age 12)

    Its NEVER easy losing a loved one but 3 in 18 days even put Me & Mary in a tail-spin for a few months.

    You & your Family will be in our Prayers
  8. ponycar17

    ponycar17 Active Member

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    Thanks Capt Mac, and your family will be in my prayers... It's difficult to say the least but that dreaded "3" thing is all-too-often true.

    My Grandfather got word that his health issues have likely turned cancerous and at 75, it's difficult to justify invasive probing to find out what exactly is happening, considering the possible complications. He's at peace. His deadline to ask for a biopsy is tomorrow. I suspect that he'll decline. We're OK with his decision, although this will be a VERY difficult time for all of us. For my step-dad, we had ample notice. My Grandfather however, took a sudden nose-dive. My 4-year old boy is already asking questions about why God wanted his Grandpa. I don't know how we could handle two so close together. :(

    3 would be a definite test for everyone...
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2012
  9. armedandsafe

    armedandsafe Guest

    Prayers from here, PonyCar.

    I know the 3's version of which you speak. It is hard on everyone.

    "Cry for your loss. Laugh and glory in your memories." Grandpa Carter.

    Pops
  10. ponycar17

    ponycar17 Active Member

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    Thanks Pops!
  11. Capt Mac Turk

    Capt Mac Turk New Member

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    PONY I relize @ age 4 he will have many Questions, If its available look into it for him.

    http://www.campgoodgrief.org/

    Years down the road (One year in about a month 4 Ashley)
    She still keeps in contact with several of the campers that were in her group.

    I truly beleave it has made it easyer for her to understand & cope with.


    All supervised ~~ 2 days, one night camp @ NO cost, Many Crafts & Activities, game rooms ,Horse back riding, Pool. (So.Fla here they can use it)

    Everyone there, while we were there,
    (My wife & I went to the camp Session before Ashleys camp to observe) they were Very Professional & Caring.

    With it being "Hospice" they have a natural way of talking to & making it easyer for Youngsters to understand.

    Such a hard thing for them to process at that age, My (Birth) Mother died when I was 11 & I wish they had this when I needed it.

    God Bless

    Angel Praying.jpg guardianangel.jpg
  12. BlackEagle

    BlackEagle Well-Known Member Supporting Member

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    My prayers are with you too. We have been through much of the same thing over the month of December.
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