Australia Q&A

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by johnnyehlers, Jun 4, 2012.

  1. This ones for you Jack, enjoy!

    The questions below about Australia are supposedly true, and are from an Australian tourism website. The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure. It's only three thousand miles, so take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No -- WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

  2. jack404

    jack404 Former Guest

    Jan 11, 2010
    6 & 9 may have been me ;)


  3. BlackEagle

    BlackEagle Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Nov 25, 2011
    Where do you place bets on those hippo races?
    How do the hippos place against the kangaroos?
    Do they run better with or without the music from the choir?
  4. jack404

    jack404 Former Guest

    Jan 11, 2010
    sorry folks but The US and EU nations , for having a higly educated population , sure ask some silly questions , and we , being a nation of wise butt's give in and wise butt the response
  5. I think I figured it out. Top selling hair dye in US & EU is blonde, oh well when in Rome.

  6. H-D

    H-D Active Member

    Jun 20, 2011
  7. Brass Tacks

    Brass Tacks New Member

    Jan 9, 2012
    NW Arkansas
    sounds like Kings Cross is the place to be
  8. raven818

    raven818 Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2011
    Jax, Fl.
    Hippo wins race. Hands down, no contest.
  9. geds

    geds New Member

    Mar 27, 2011
    With nude spectators - I bet the hands were down! :eek:
  10. jack404

    jack404 Former Guest

    Jan 11, 2010
    narrr this is Oz hands would be holding beers or bets
  11. WTHines

    WTHines Member

    Dec 22, 2011
    Western Kentucky
    Kings Cross...Sydney, land of negotiable affection ... I love it
  12. hstout1143

    hstout1143 Well-Known Member

    Jan 3, 2012
    Don't overestimate us, some people here think they need a visa to go to Hawaii.
  13. RJay

    RJay Well-Known Member

    Feb 22, 2004
    Goodyear, Arizona
    I have also heard, " Where can we exchange U.S. money for Hawaiian currency". Honest to God.
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