COMPUTER WARNINGS......

Discussion in 'VMBB General Discussion' started by rooter, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. rooter

    rooter *VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff*

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2001
    Messages:
    10,383
    Location:
    Marty Robbins old hometown, Glendale Arizona--a su
    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue
    on envelopes
    because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
    sealing.
    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
    who is about to
    die in the hospital for the 1,387,258 th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
    $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft
    and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
    for me, and St. Theresa's
    novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
    freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
    buffalo on a hot day

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
    an email to seven of my friends
    and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
    toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so
    a serial killer won't crawl in my
    back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
    products are atheists who refuse to
    put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
    anymore because it will blow up in
    my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
    with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
    sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
    Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
    American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
    for which I will get a phone bill with
    calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,Singapore , and Uzbekistan

    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
    replacement pair from Nike .

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
    recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
    African spider is lurking under the seat t
    o cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can
    live a better life now because he's told
    us how to fix everything.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
    parking lot because it probably was
    placed there by a sexmolester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    Oh, and I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain
    gas companies!

    AND LASTLY ... If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
    the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
    diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from
    12 camels will infest your back, causing
    you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
    happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
    ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's best friend's
    sister...

    Have a wonderful day....

    Oh! Almost forgot: A South American scientist from Argentina , after a
    lengthy study, has discovered that people with
    insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Messages:
    10,657
    Location:
    SW MS
  3. pickenup

    pickenup New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2002
    Messages:
    6,857
    Location:
    Colorado Rocky Mountains
    Your welcome. :p
  4. AL MOUNT

    AL MOUNT New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    Messages:
    3,321
    Location:
    Cleaning my Thompson in The Foothills of the Ozark
    Wunder how they get them rats to eat all that peppermint

    so their poop will taste better.......:rolleyes:
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2006
  5. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Messages:
    13,854
    Location:
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
    :D

    Attached Files:

  6. ironsight65

    ironsight65 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2003
    Messages:
    458
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    :D :D :D

    Great! I hate chain letter e-mails.
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