Discussion in 'VMBB General Discussion' started by rooter, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. rooter

    rooter *VMBB Senior Chief Of Staff*

    Jan 31, 2001
    Marty Robbins old hometown, Glendale Arizona--a su
    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue
    on envelopes
    because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs
    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
    who is about to
    die in the hospital for the 1,387,258 th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
    $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft
    and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
    for me, and St. Theresa's
    novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
    freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
    buffalo on a hot day

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
    an email to seven of my friends
    and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
    toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so
    a serial killer won't crawl in my
    back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
    products are atheists who refuse to
    put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
    anymore because it will blow up in
    my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
    with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
    sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
    Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
    American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
    for which I will get a phone bill with
    calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,Singapore , and Uzbekistan

    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
    replacement pair from Nike .

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
    African spider is lurking under the seat t
    o cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can
    live a better life now because he's told
    us how to fix everything.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
    parking lot because it probably was
    placed there by a sexmolester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    Oh, and I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain
    gas companies!

    AND LASTLY ... If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
    the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
    diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from
    12 camels will infest your back, causing
    you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
    happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
    ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's best friend's

    Have a wonderful day....

    Oh! Almost forgot: A South American scientist from Argentina , after a
    lengthy study, has discovered that people with
    insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
  2. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
  3. pickenup

    pickenup New Member

    Sep 11, 2002
    Colorado Rocky Mountains
    Your welcome. :p

    AL MOUNT New Member

    Oct 9, 2006
    Cleaning my Thompson in The Foothills of the Ozark
    Wunder how they get them rats to eat all that peppermint

    so their poop will taste better.......:rolleyes:
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2006
  5. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Mar 27, 2003
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!

    Attached Files:

  6. ironsight65

    ironsight65 New Member

    Apr 15, 2003
    :D :D :D

    Great! I hate chain letter e-mails.
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