Dear Santa

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by Gunfyter, Dec 8, 2004.

  1. Gunfyter

    Gunfyter New Member

    Mar 25, 2003
    Western Maryland
    deer santa:
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend, BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
    send you a *******g book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
    your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
    and joy in the world for everybody! Love,

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
    mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
    frigid, fat mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up
    that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build
    yourself a family with those? Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
    drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love,

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
    your reindeer outside the back door. Love,

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
    riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
    toys? Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I
    give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in
    Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
    unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
    waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Santa

    Tell your mom she got the part.

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
    like in the song? Love,

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
    skipping your house. Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
    PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

    That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
    doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again. Santa

    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
    *** kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
    low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just
    like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams,

    :D :D :D
  2. pickenup

    pickenup Active Member

    That is a different side of Santa. :eek:

  3. SouthernMoss

    SouthernMoss *Admin Tech Staff*

    Jan 1, 2003
    SW MS
    Sounds like Santa needs some Prozac! :eek: :D
  4. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    M A L ! ! ! ! ! !

    C' E S T . T R É S, T R É S, T R É S . M A L!!!!!!!​

    Bad, Bad, BAD, BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  5. inplanotx

    inplanotx Active Member

    Jan 28, 2002
  6. IShootBack

    IShootBack Well-Known Member

    Sep 22, 2002
    now that's reality....

    Last edited: Jan 19, 2013
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