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Definitions...

Discussion in 'The Pump House Saloon' started by glocknut, Jun 13, 2009.

  1. glocknut

    glocknut New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    12,490
    Location:
    THE FORUM MASCOTT...
    BACHELOR:
    1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
    2) A guy who is footloose and fiancée-free.
    3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
    4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.
    5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
    6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

    BRIDE:
    A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

    CAD:
    A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.

    COMPROMISE:
    An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

    DIPLOMAT:
    A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

    GENTLEMAN:
    1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
    2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

    HOUSEWORK:
    What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.

    HUSBAND:
    1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
    2) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so.

    JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT:
    A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

    LOVE:
    An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

    MISS:
    A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.

    MISTRESS:
    Something between a mister and a mattress.

    MOTHER-IN-LAW:
    A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

    MRS.:
    A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.

    SPOUSE:
    Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

    WIFE:
    A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
  2. Marlin

    Marlin *TFF Admin Staff Chief Counselor*

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Messages:
    13,856
    Location:
    At SouthernMoss' side forever!
  3. Tony22-250

    Tony22-250 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    1,146
    Location:
    Snellville, GA
    HA HA HA :):D thats so true!!!
  4. Marlin T

    Marlin T Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Messages:
    7,901
    Location:
    New Mexico
    That was a well needed smile, thank Mike.
  5. Haligan

    Haligan Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    2,108
    Location:
    FEMA Region II
    Now I'm really depressed.
    Truth does that to ya, ya know.
  6. bcj1755

    bcj1755 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2008
    Messages:
    4,357
    Location:
    A wretched hive of scum and villiany
    And people wonder why I've never been married:D:p
  7. Bruce FLinch

    Bruce FLinch New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2005
    Messages:
    5,015
    Location:
    Bay Point, Kali..aka Gun Point
    Why Mike, that was nearly an equal opportunity joke...:D
  8. 21bravo

    21bravo New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2008
    Messages:
    790
    Location:
    wilkes county, nc
    loved it mike!! especially the definition of a mistress:eek::D

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